S1 EP23 – Healing Your Inner Aloneness and Emptiness
Do you sometimes feel alone and empty inside? Do you believe that others should be filling you up? Do you turn to various addictions to try to fill up externally? Discover the real cause of inner aloneness and emptiness and what you can do to feel full and alive inside.
Hi everyone. This is dr. Margaret Paul with the Inner Bonding podcast. And today I wanted to talk about Healing your inner feeling of Aloneness and Emptiness, you know, think about it. Do, do you sometimes feel alone and empty inside and, and do you think that that others should be feeling you up and do you find yourself turning to different addictions to fill it up externally? Well, I wanted to talk today about the real cause of Inner Aloneness and Inner Emptiness in what you can do.
Two learn to feel full inside. If you feel alone and empty, you’re certainly not alone in feeling this way. A lot of people do a lot of people when I talk to my clients and I’d say, how are you feeling? I feel empty, or I feel this Aloneness. And, and it’s an awful kind of hollow feeling and the pity, your stomach, when you are feeling that Aloneness in that and that Emptiness, but most of the people who feel empty and alone have a lot of false beliefs about why.
So see if you identify with any of these beliefs, people say, I feel empty because my partner’s not giving me enough love and attention, or I feel empty. Cause I don’t have a partner or because I’m bored because my partner doesn’t provide me with enough interesting stimulation or I feel empty. Cause my work isn’t satisfied or I feel empty because I’m not successful enough. I don’t have enough money or I have no one to play with on weekends or nothing.
Excites me. Life is boring. I feel alone and empty because I don’t get enough love or attention or approval from other people. And I feel alone and empty cause I don’t get enough sex. So these are some of the more common, false beliefs that I hear from my clients. But actually none of these situations are the causes of the Inner Emptiness in the Inner Aloneness that you might be feeling. And Aloneness an Emptiness is so distressful that it often leads to numerous addictions in an attempt to fill up that empty alone place that’s inside.
So what do you usually do to try and find that a fill that, that Inner Emptiness and Aloneness think about that for a minute. What do you do? Do try and fill it up with substances like food or sugar or alcohol or drugs or cigarettes or these ways to fill up for the moment or avoid that feeling or with processes and activities like television and being on the internet and sex and video games and work and social media and shopping, spending, being overly busy gambling, using fantasy of being on the phone all the time or email all the time.
There’s so many addictive ways we have in our society to avoid that those feelings. Or do you try and manipulate others using anger or blame? Do you over talk? Do you tell a lot of stories? Are you caretaking other people? These are also ways to try and get filled up from outside and avoid that awful alone, empty feeling inside. So obviously there’s many substances and processes and behaviors and addictions that people use addictively to try and feel their Emptiness and feeling of Aloneness.
And these do you work for the moment? Of course they wouldn’t be addictions if they didn’t, but they don’t last for long. So pretty soon that that feeling of Emptiness and Aloneness is back and you are looking for another fix to temporarily fill up this black hole that’s inside. And these things may become addictions because they do work for the moment. But because the fullness doesn’t last very long, you have to keep doing them more food, more sex, more shopping and so on.
You never feel up permanently because they’re just bandaids and they are flimsy substitutes for what you’re really needing, which of course is love the inner Emptiness and feeling of Aloneness and side is due to one thing. And that’s a lack of love. It’s not due to a lack of food or sex or television, but trying to get love from another person is just another addiction.
It also feels great for the moment, but what about the next moment when that person isn’t there or it gets angry or withdraws with hell’s his or her love, then you go right back to the Emptiness Inner Aloneness and add to your various addictions. As you likely frantically try to avoid feeling so alone and empty and sign. As long as you believe that something outside of yourself can feel you substance, the process of person, you are going to be seeking love in all the wrong places.
And the problem with all of these behaviors is that they only address the symptom of Inner Emptiness and Aloneness and not the underlying cause. And as I said, there’s only one thing that truly feels the Emptiness and Aloneness, which is love. And there’s only one cause of Inner Emptiness and Aloneness, which is a lack of love, but it’s not a lack of someone else’s love that causes your Emptiness and Aloneness
It’s caused by self abandonment by not loving yourself.
Do you see, many people do believe that their aloneness and emptiness as being caused by someone else not loving them. They believe that if only someone loved them in exactly the way they want to be loved, that awful feeling would go away.
And as I said, It goes away for a short time, but then what happens when the person isn’t there just like with food, you can take away the empty feeling for awhile, but then of course it comes right back. No matter how many things you buy or how much food you eat or drugs you take, or alcohol you drink or sex you have or attention you get, it never feels you for long. You need more and more of it to momentarily take away the Aloneness and Emptiness of your own self abandonment.
So Inner Olympia Inner Emptiness and Aloneness come from a lack of connection with your spiritual source of love, from not opening to the love that will come through you from your higher guidance and bring in the love to yourself that you need. When you think the truth, thoughts, and take the loving actions that you need to take on your own behalf. It’s so very important to understand that Aloneness and , and Inner Emptiness are the way your inner child, your feeling self, your soul is letting you know that you’re abandoning yourself.
That’s what these feelings were telling you. They’re not telling you to try and get love elsewhere or filled up or get filled up from outside there telling you that you’re abandoning herself. When you don’t take loving care of yourself, your inner child feels abandoned, feels alone and feels empty inside. When you disconnect from your own feelings to avoid pain, and then you also can’t connect with others or with your spiritual source of love and comfort.
So you might feel both alone and lonely, a state of despair when you don’t take loving care of yourself, which is when you will likely turn to your various addictions.
Your inner child, your soul self needs love, needs your love to feel full inside, loving yourself and sharing your love with others, fills the Inner Emptiness and takes away. You’re feeling of feeling that Inner Aloneness inside. And its the only thing that does.
Just as an actual child, feels alone and empty. When there’s one there to love him or her, your inner child feels alone and empty when you’re not there to love him or her. When you abandoned yourself, by judging yourself, ignoring your various feelings by staying in your head, numbing your feelings through different addictions and making others responsible for your feelings and for loving you, you’re going to feel empty and alone inside and you’re causing your own Emptiness and Aloneness by yourself, rejection, your self abandonment.
But your ego wound itself is filled with false beliefs regarding who you are. Your wound itself may see you as an adequate and unlovable and not good enough, not important, selfish, bad and wrong, not worthy of loving. Your wound itself operates from core shame that you are intrinsically flawed and therefore not worthy of loving yourself. These are programmed beliefs that have no basis in truth, but they may be running your life.
When you believe that you’re not good enough. And then you turned to others and to your addictions to try and feel okay to fill out that Emptiness and Aloneness that you’re causing with your various forms of self abandonment. Then you’re of course you feel even worse. So as long as you believe that you are your body in your mind, your ego wounded self, and that you need to get everything filled up from outside. You’re going to feel empty inside your body.
Isn’t you your mind isn’t who you are. Your ego wounded self isn’t, who you are. You’re body is the physical home for you while you’re on this planet. But its not you. The truth of who you are of who you really are, comes from your spirit, your higher self, your spiritual source of guidance or whatever it is you want to call God. When you open to learning with the source of spiritual guidance about the truth of who you are and what is loving towards yourself and others.
You open to the love that is God come into your heart and filling your Inner Emptiness and you discover that you are deeply, deeply worthy of love deeply of you learning to love you. Now this is about a shift of intention shifting from protecting against pain and avoiding responsibility for yourself through your addictive and controlling behaviors into the intention to learn with your higher guidance about what’s loving to you about who you are about.
What’s loving to others. This is what the Inner Bonding practice is all about.
You are a spark of the divine. You are love, you are joy and wisdom. You are the peace of spirit. You are an individualized manifestation of whatever God is, whatever you wanna call that created in the image of God, which is love. And therefore you have all of those qualities of what we often call God.
You are love within the Emptiness and Aloneness are there when the ego wound itself is in charge of you. But when you practice Inner Bonding and you develop your loving adult and you learn to open to your essence and experience your connection with your guidance and your oneness with spirit that’s when you’re going to feel the fullness and the joy within you, of who you really are love will fill your being when your heart and your soul are in charge rather than your wound itself.
In of course, that comes from your intention to learn about loving yourself. But you can’t begin to feel the fullness of love inside until you decide to release your individual will to the will of your higher self. As long as you’re devoted to your own false beliefs and your limited concepts, you’re going to be stuck in your wound itself as long as controlling others and outcomes is more important to you than loving yourself and others and discovering who you really are.
You’re going to be stuffed with the aloneness and the emptiness. As long as you attached your happiness and your words to your looks, your performance, your achievements, and how others feel about you. You’re going to be stuck in your pain. As long as you believe that you can know what is in your highest good from your own limited mind, you are going to continue to try and have control over what you think you need to feel happy and full. So releasing our own will and opening to the will of our higher soul or higher guidance, which is a spark of God is actually a simple concept yet.
It’s the greatest challenge. Many of us have most people are so stuck in believing that it’s our own mind, that keeps things going. That keeps things together. That we’re terrified to let go to our higher self. Yet when you open to learning about loving yourself and others and take actions based on the information coming through from your guidance, you’re going to find that things don’t fall apart at all. In fact, they get a whole lot better taking loving action on your own behalf and letting go of the outcomes. Releasing the outcome to the flow of life brings great joy and a fullness of being.
With my clients. I found that one of the major ways that we do not take care of ourselves that may lead to the Emptiness and Aloneness and the addictive behavior is not standing up for ourselves, not speaking our truth, not setting our limits in, in conflict with others. When we give ourselves up abandoning ourselves in the hopes of pacifying another and controlling how others feel about us, our inner child feels alone, unloved and very unimportant rather than feeling these painful feelings and taking responsibility for them.
We then of course, turn to our various addictions to avoid the painful feelings that we’re creating by abandoning ourselves.
So one of the ways of moving beyond self-abandonment and the resulting addictive behavior and Inner Emptiness, and Aloneness his to make the very hard decision that you’re willing to lose others rather than continue to lose yourself. When you choose to tell your truth and set your limits and take loving action for yourself, with your coworkers, your friends, your partner, your parents, or children, rather than allowing yourself to be verbally or physically attacked or abused, you might find yourself starting to feel loved and full inside.
So here’s an example with one of my clients, I’ll call her Margo. She’d been an alcoholic for 17 years. When she consulted with me, she had tried everything including AA to stop drinking, but nothing was working. So instead of addressing the drinking directly, we worked on her boundary issues. She was letting everyone in her life, her husband or son, her business partner just run over her and control her. So she diligently went about learning to set, loving limits, learning, to take care of herself.
Actually after two months of starting to work with Inner Bonding and, and, and doing her practice, she came in all smiles and, and notes that she hadn’t had to drink in a week nor had she had any desire for a drink, turned out that her Emptiness Inner Aloneness and resulting desire to drink came from feeling so awful when she let people run over her. As long as she took care of herself, speaking up for herself and setting appropriate limits, she felt loved inside.
And then she had no desire to drink. When you feel loved and safe inside your desire for your addictions, gradually fade away. The challenge is of course, what makes you feel loved and safe and full with them. So spending time learning how to stand up for yourself and speak your truth, rather than let yourself be run over or abused will go a long way toward creating Inner safety and a sense of inner fullness, and also discovering all of the other things you need to do, taking care of your body, finding fun things, exercise you love finding work.
You love. These are all ways of learning to fill yourself up inside. No, I wanna talk for a minute about the big difference between aloneness and loneliness. Cause people are often confused about this. These feelings might seem similar, but there’s actually a really, really big difference between them. Aloneness is the feeling that I’ve been talking about, the feeling of being alone and empty and side, and also you might be feeling alone in the universe.
It’s a feeling that results with our wounded self is in charge and we’re rejecting and abandoning ourselves and disconnecting from our spiritual source of love and comfort. Is that true? That Aloneness is the feeling you cause by rejecting and abandoning yourself. And the more you turn to the various ways of avoiding your feelings, the more alone and empty you feel Aloneness as I define it, isn’t about being alone. It’s about leaving your inner child alone in side.
Loneliness is completely different. It’s not an empty feeling. Loneliness is what you feel when you are open and connected with yourself. And you want to connect with someone, but either there’s no one around to connect with or you’re in a relationship, but your partner is closed up. Loneliness is what you feel when you are taking loving care of yourself and bringing love to yourself. And there’s just no one around or available with whom to share your love of loneliness.
This is what you feel when you’re openhearted and the person you’re with is being unloving to you. This lonely feeling is informing you that the other person is closed you. And this is really important information. Loneliness has important information when you’re taking loving care of yourself. Loneliness is not a feeling that you cause it’s a painful existential feeling of life that we all need to learn to compassionately manage. But when you’re abandoning yourself, you might feel both alone and lonely because you can’t connect with another person when you’re disconnected from yourself.
So you do cause you’re own loneliness when you are close to loving yourself. And as I said, this state of feeling alone and lonely is actually a state of despair. And it won’t go away until you shift your intention to loving yourself rather than abandoning yourself. I have clients that often tell me they feel lonely, but when I do an inner bonding process with them becomes apparent that what they are feeling is alone and empty due to their own self-abandonment.
So today I hope you choose the intention to learn with your higher self about love and truth about what’s loving to yourself. Even if you don’t believe there’s anything there to answer, you just see what happens. You don’t have to believe in a God to access the information that is actually here in the universe. Just try it. See what happens. You might actually start to feel full of love inside.
And the more you learn to love yourself than the more you have love to share with others. And that is the fullest feeling in the world, the feeling of sharing love. We can’t share love for not filling ourselves with love, if we’re rejecting and abandoning ourselves. So I really want to encourage you to go to the Inner Bonding site. Inner bonding.com take our free course, take our many courses, purchase self quest, which is a fabulous way of learning.
Inner Bonding look at some of the wonderful packages we have that like one of them complete self love includes a long video of that, that I I’m talking about. Inner Bonding introducing you to, it includes my love yourself courses, which is an amazing way to learn Inner Bonding and include self quests, which is a very deep way of learning. Inner Bonding there’s so many ways. There’s so many articles there’s free help. If you don’t have the money, you can learn it anyway, because there’s so much free help on our website.
So I really encourage you to learn and practice Inner Bonding it’s such a powerful process for learning to love yourself and being able to share love with others and create loving relationships. God bless you.