S1 EP48 – How to Feel Both Open and Safe

Episode Summary

We all want to feel safe, but which do you believe keeps you safer – your wounded self or your spiritual guidance? While you might believe that keeping your heart closed is the only way to feel safe from being hurt by others, there is a far better way of feeling safe. Discover what actually creates both a true inner sense of safety, and a deep level of safety and connection with others. 


Hi everyone. Dr. Margaret Paul here with the inner bonding podcast. And today I want to talk about how you can feel both open. I can have your heart open and feel safe because a lot, a lot of people believe that if they’re open and they’re loving that somehow they’re not going to feel safe. And of course we all want to feel safe. The problem with feeling safe comes in regarding what actually makes us feel safe. Our ego wounded self believes that it can make us feel safe with all of our controlling behaviors.

The one is, it believes it can predict the future. As adults. Our old program behaviors are actually causing us to feel unsafe. So there’s, there’s two kinds of safety. There. There’s external safety like safety in the world. And then there’s a feeling of internal safety. While we can do all we can to feel safe externally, such as being prepared for emergencies. We just can’t predict what happens on our planet. We certainly couldn’t predict or even imagine the challenge of COVID-19 while our wound itself wants to believe it can keep us physically safe.

Predicting the future is just not something that our wounded self can do. The other kind of safety is internal. This is what we do have control over, but again, the wound is helped believes it can make us feel a sense of inner safety and that’s a completely false belief. So what actually creates a sense of safety? So here’s a story about creating a sense of safety. I was on a plane coming back from teaching a workshop on the East coast. The plane was bouncing hard as we started our descent into Denver.

Now I flown in and out of Denver air airport many, many times due to my workshop schedule. And it’s always very bumpy. It’s just the way it is coming into Denver. But the woman sitting next to me was gripping the arm, rest and shaking. She was absolutely scared to death. I turned to her and asked her if she would like some help. She nodded, I said, nothing bad is going to happen. We’re safe. How do you know that she asked in a shaking voice? And here’s what I said to her. If you were to move Out of what your mind is telling you, that scaring you and open to a different source of truth, you would also know that you’re safe your mind, which is devoted to trying to control things is freaking out due to feeling so out of control.

It’s this feeling of being out of control. That’s scaring you. And of course you don’t have any control over the plane or over the pilot. But if you tune into your source of truth, which is definitely not your mind, you’re going to know that or safe. Imagine that your mind is like your personal computer, which only contains what’s been programmed into it. Now imagine that the source of truth is like the internet, a vast network of information that you can easily access. Imagine the source of truth as a beautiful light filled with all the wisdom of the universe, open to learning with this source of truth and ask, are we safe?

Why don’t you try it and see what happens? Just focus your whole being on really wanting to know the truth. Well, the woman was obviously terrified enough to try it, even though I’m pretty sure she thought I was crazy. She closed her eyes and focused on the question. Are we safe? A moment later, she opened her eyes clearly surprised I heard in my mind, you are safe. Did I just make that up? Well, how do you feel when you decide to believe it? I asked her much better.

She said, I’m not feeling so scared. That’s because our emotions are an accurate guide of whether or not we’re telling ourselves the truth. I said, our emotions are a great gift from our source. We will always feel badly when we’re telling ourselves a lie and we’ll feel happy and peaceful. When we’re operating from the truth, you were terrified because you were telling yourself a lie. And now you’re fine because you’re telling yourself the truth. Whether you believe this is coming from you or from, without whether it’s coming from within you or outside of you is not important. What is important to know is that you can access the truth.

I always asked this question before I fly. So I know the whole time that I’m safe bumps and all the woman had a big smile on her face. The rest of the way down, even though we were still bouncing around fear, whether a flying or if anything else, other than the fear of real and present danger, such as encountering a dangerous person is always the result of what you’re telling yourself. Your fear is letting you know that you are off base in your thinking. If you then cover up your fear within addiction, such drinking, in order to get past the fear, You’re never going to deal With the lie.

You’re telling yourself that’s causing the fear. The wounded part Of us hates being out of control of something. This part of us Or wounded mind thinks we can control what we can’t control. The thoughts of our mind will never make us feel safe and will certainly not give us the control. We seek true safety lies in opening the spirit and being guided by truth. The paradox is that in releasing control to spirit, we gain a sense of control that comes from operating from the truth.

So by staying connected with my guidance, not only can I create a sense of inner safety, but I can also create some sense, some sense of safety, physically, such as tuning into my guidance before getting on a plane. I’ve also had the experience many times of my guidance warning me of something that ended up saving my life or helping to avert a heartbreaking situation. So for me, listening to my guidance is what creates both the feeling of inner safety and my actual physical safety. One of my Favorite books is one mind by Dr. Larry Dossey, Dr.

Dawsey offers so many examples of spirit or the one mind from both ancient from both ancient times to current times, according to the experiences of many different people, one of the topics he, he covers is how we eat. You’re able to receive the exact information we need. The one mind he States is not a kind of undifferentiated blob. If we had the capacity to tap into all the information there is all at once, there would be nothing but chaos Instead the one month And brings us exactly what we need.

Many of us have had experiences in receiving information from our guidance. For example, have You had dreams that offered you important information? One woman In one mind dream that she had breast cancer, nothing showed up on her mammogram or on examination, but she insisted on a biopsy. The results came back cancer. The surgeon told the referring doctor that the lump was the smallest he had ever seen and asked how the doctor discovered it. I didn’t. He said she did in a dream.

Have you had a strong feeling about something that you just had to follow through? One woman in the book drove the same way home every day, but one day she had a powerful compulsion to go another way, even though it was a long way home, she found out on the radio that the bridge you would have been on had collapsed and many people were killed or injured. And of course I’ll never forget the time which maybe I’ve shared with you before that I was driving home at night after returning from teaching a workshop on the East coast. I heard a loud voice that told me to slow down. I did. And seconds later, a drunk driver.

Couldn’t read careened in front of me missing me by inches. If I hadn’t listened to my guidance, I might’ve been broadsided. And perhaps killed has someone you haven’t seen in a while pop into your mind. And then soon after they called you, have you ever, have you ever had the intuitive experience of suddenly knowing that someone close to you was in a car accident or very ill or really needed you in the book? A woman suddenly felt that her son who was thousands of miles away was hurt in a series of numbers, came into her mind.

She dialed the numbers and it was the emergency room where her son was being treated after being in a car accident. The doctor told her that her son was quite badly hurt, but that he would be okay. These Are all examples of the one mind of the information that our guidance brings us when we’re truly open to learning and keeping our body clear of low frequency foods and substances. While our wounded self believes it keeps us safe by staying in our head and figuring things out by trying to control things, the real safety license, staying open with our spiritual guidance.

It’s our intent to learn about truth and love that keeps both our mind and our heart open. And our open heart is necessary for connecting with our guidance, but you live your life with your heart, mostly open or mostly closed. Do you spend most of your time protecting against rejection or against being taken advantage of, or most of your time open to loving yourself and sharing your love with others as children, as you know, many of us had very heartbreaking experiences that cause us to close our heart.

As small children, we all created our wound is held to try to feel safe in an unsafe environment or wound itself learned many different ways to try and feel safe. And these protections, these protections worked to a certain extent. For example, you Might’ve learned to eat when you were scared or lonely or heartbroken and eating a lot or eating sweets may have protected you from the intensity of these feelings may have pushed those feelings down, numb them out, perhaps becoming a good boy or a girl and caretaking others protected you from some anger or some violence.

Many of us became very attached to our various forms of controlling our own feelings and attempting to control others and outcomes. But now Our wounded self is still convinced that protecting and controlling is the best way to keep us safe, but just over eating or drinking or taking drugs or being overweight really protect you, or is it causing health problems does giving yourself up and caretaking others really protect you from others, anger or others. Now treating you with the same disrespect with which you are treating yourself wound itself.

Doesn’t want to accept that what may have worked to a certain extent as a child Is now Causing a lot of fear and a lot of pain. It’s now our own wound itself that is making us feel unsafe using alcohol, drugs, food, sex, anger, compliance, and judgment, and staying in our heads and closing our hearts are always trying to control our own feelings and the behavior of others, but they’re all forms of self-abandonment that make us feel very unsafe. So now take A moment to look back at what experiences led you to close your heart.

Here’s some examples that might have led to closing your heart, various forms of physical abuse, sexual abuse, various forms of emotional abuse, such as anger, criticism, judgment, blame ridicule, or, or sarcasm being neglected ignored, discounted, unseen, being engulfed and smothered by a parent pulled on and used to filled up their emptiness, being parental defied, family violence, parental substance abuse, rejection by parents, siblings, and or peers, loss of a parent through divorce or death loss of a beloved sibling, a friend or a relative physical defects that cause limitation illness or physical pain being bullied and scapegoated.

And of course there are many others as children. When you experienced any of these and other very challenging, there was no one there to lovingly help you through the pain. So the, when there’s no one there, the heartbreak may have been too intense for you to manage and you might’ve closed your heart to survive. You may have learned to be in your head rather than in your heart to try and feel safe. But now as adults keeping your heart closed has many negative consequences while it was necessary for your survival as a child. Now it’s causing you a lot of pain as adults.

We all need to learn to lovingly manage our painful feelings and create an inner sense of safety rather than closing down. Think about what happens now, when you keep your heart closed, do you end up feeling alone and empty? Do you feel disconnected from others? Do you then turn into various addictions to food, drugs, alcohol, television, sex, over-talking anger, blame and so on to fill your emptiness and take away the aloneness that comes from closing your heart, the love or your relationships in satisfying.

Okay. Do you find that life isn’t fun? Do you feel anxious or depressed? Do you get sick a lot? These are just a few of the many negative consequences of keeping your heart closed or staying shut down, but are you afraid to open your heart? Are you afraid of being hurt and rejected controlled in use? Are you afraid that if you open your heart, you’re not going to be able to manage the heartache, the heartbreak, loneliness, sadness, helplessness over others and sorrow of life. You’re going to start to feel safe when you, you learned to take emotional responsibility, responsibility for your own feelings as a child, your body was too small to handle the big feelings of heartbreak and loneliness and grief and helplessness over others without the help of a loving adult.

And if you did have a loving adult there you were indeed very, very fortunate. But most of us didn’t because they didn’t know how to handle their own feelings. So they couldn’t help us with ours today. Your body is big enough to handle these feelings, but you still need the help of a loving adult. The difference is that now the loving adult needs to be you. You need to learn to be the loving adult, capable of managing the painful feelings of life so that you don’t need to close your heart. And you don’t need to turn to various addictions. You need to be the loving adult that knows how to make your inner child feel safe.

The wound Itself believes that closing your heart and avoiding pain is keeping you safe, but your inner child feels anything but safe when there’s no loving adult to take loving care of you, to listen to you, to speak up for you, to take loving action for you. This is what creates a sense of inner safety. When you move out Of the intention to protect against pain and into the intention to learn about loving yourself and loving others, then you move out of your program mind and into your connection with the spiritual source of love and wisdom. When you choose the intention to learn, rather than the intention to protect and control and avoid your pain, your heart naturally opens.

It’s your intent to protect against pain with various forms of controlling behavior that keeps your heart closed. And that keeps you feeling unsafe When you’re in Intention is to love yourself and others. And you love yourself enough to put clean high vibrancy food into your body. You’re going to be able to open to the constant information. That’s always coming from your guidance regarding your safety and your highest good, whereas your wounded self cannot possibly know in advance. Something like I’m not getting on a particular plane. Your guidance does know and will communicate the information to you when you’re open to it.

While the wound itself would love to have control over getting this information. It’s the very Joyce to try to control that, lowers your frequency and makes it impossible to access the information regarding your safety. That’s here for you. You can’t be devoted to control and love in the same moment. The moment you choose to love and to learn about what’s in your highest good and your body’s in a high frequency due to eating clean, healthy foods, your frequency goes high enough to access the information you need regarding your safety. I know this to be a hundred percent true because it’s happened over and over in my life and in the lives of those I work With.

So be honest with yourself About what’s really safer trying to control people and things and events that you can’t actually control or opening to physically and emotionally loving yourself, which is safer numbing your feelings with substances and, and, and process addictions, or staying open to your feelings, your inner guidance system. That is one way spirit communicates with you. What if your guidance Is trying to let you know that something is dangerous and you’re too numbed out from food or drugs or alcohol or TV or staying in your head to feel the feelings that would alert you to danger?

What if your addictions are numbing you to the messages that spirit is sending you through your feelings? Is this really a safe way to live? Do you really want to go on listening to your programmed and ignorant ego wounded self regarding your safety? Do you really believe that your wounded self knows more about keeping you safe than your guidance, who has access to all the information in the universe When You make the decision that loving yourself and sharing your love with others is your highest priority. And you learn to listen to your guidance and take loving action on your own behalf, you will discover that you feel far safer than with your wound itself in charge.

For me, staying connected with my guidance and taking the loving actions guided by my guidance is what makes me feel safe. Most people have a deep desire to feel safe and to feel connected with their loved ones and with others. Yet many people never feel a sense of safety and connection with others growing up. I never felt safe or connected with my parents. As I think I’ve shared. My mother had a narcissistic personality disorder and was frequently raging at me as an only child. I was the one who got her RAF. I turned to my father for safety until I was 12.

When he became sexually abusive and all the safety was taken away. I couldn’t feel connected with either of my parents because they were so disconnected from themselves and so unsafe to be with. So I kept Searching for safety and connection to my relationship with others, but never felt it for very long. Then when spirit gifted us with inner bonding process, I learned to create inner safety and inner connection with my soul essence and my spiritual guidance. However, yeah, Well, inner bonding provides the inner safety and connection with self and spirit.

That’s absolutely necessary for healing. It’s not the whole story. We actually need safety and connection with at least one other person to heal on a very deep level or wounds happened in relationship. And they need to get healed in relationship. And here’s where having facilitation with a loving facilitator can be very healing. A good therapist, or facilitator provides the and connected space. You may need to finally feel the deep sense of safety and connection you may have missed out on as a child.

The very best way of achieving this level of healing is in a loving relationship. This is one of the most powerful things that a loving relationship can provide. But of course, sadly many relationships don’t provide this because when partners get angry or withdraw, they take away the safety that each needs to heal by each of you doing your own inner bonding work and creating inner safety and connection. You can each move toward creating the safe space that you both need to heal on a deeper level. The more you develop your loving it, don’t the less you get angry or withdraw, which eventually leads to both of you, feeling safe to share your deeper levels of pain, your old loneliness, heartbreak, and helplessness, and grief from childhood.

It’s truly an amazing journey. When two people can provide the safe healing space for each other, there’s nothing more profoundly fulfilling than being able to hold each other in love, allowing each of you to feel and release the deep, old pain of the past, as well as any unreleased current pain. When you can do this for your partner and your partner can do this for you, you create a deep level of intimacy. There’s truly nothing more healing than being held in love while you release both old and current pain, the more you practice inner bonding and learn to show up for yourself, the more you can show up for your partner and the more you and your partner show up for each other, the easier it becomes to show up for yourself.

This positive, safe healing circle is one of the very best experiences in life. Just as self-abandonment is circular. That is the more you abandon yourself, the worse you feel and the worse you feel, the more you tend to abandon yourself. So as loving yourself, circular, the more you love yourself, the more you’re capable of loving your partner and the more you and your partner share love the easier it becomes to love yourself and create both inner and relationship safety. This beautiful healing circle starts with practicing inner bonding and learning to love yourself.

So I highly recommend that you learn to love yourself and a great way to start is with our free course in her body.com. I also recommend that you take my 30 day, love yourself course, very powerful course, that will help you learn to love yourself. I suggest for relationships or for any relationships, even if you’re, if you don’t have a partner to take the wildly deeply joyously and love 30 day course. And for connecting more deeply with your guidance, the unlocking your inner wisdom 30 day course, There’s so much On our website that will help you learn to love yourself and create inner safety.

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