Are you aware of the voice of your ego wounded self that may be judging you non-stop in the background of your mind? Are you aware of who were the role models for this voice? Learn to shift out of being guided by your wounded voice and into the loving and truthful the voice of your guidance. Learn about the backlash of your wounded self when you are doing well, and how to take that toxic voice with lightness and humor.
Hi everyone. Dr. Margaret Paul here with the inner bonding podcast. And today I want to talk about whose voice is in your head. Are you aware of the voice of your wounded self that may be judging you nonstop in the background of your mind? Are you aware of who were the role models for this voice? Now, most people are aware that they have an inner critic that judges them. Some people hear this voice all the time and some hear it mostly when they’re just under some kind of stress. And as much as we didn’t like the critical voices of our parents and other caregivers or others who were abusive to us, such as siblings, peers who bullied us teachers or religious leaders, we all absorb these voices into our own programmed ego mind, our wound itself.
Sometimes my clients say things like I can’t get my mother’s critical voice out of my head, but it’s no longer your mother’s or father’s or anyone else’s voice. Now it’s your voice. Now the voice now it’s the voice of your own wound itself. And it gets activated when your intent is to control others, to control outcomes or to avoid your own painful feelings. Healing can begin to occur when you own that. You’re the one causing this voice with your intention to control you are the one causing the anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, anger, aloneness, and you start to heal.
When you learn to shift your intention to loving yourself. The challenge is to learn, to trust the quiet voice of your guidance, rather than the loud voice of your wound itself. The voice that sounds like it knows what it’s talking about. When it actually doesn’t know anything, it has no access to any truth. It took me a long time before I could begin to discern the difference between the voice of my guidance from the voice of my wounded self and to trust my guidance more than my wound itself. And there were many good reasons for this.
My parents were atheists and anything to do with quote, God was considered to be fantasy. The mind was King and anything religious or spiritual was considered to be some kind of crutch or addiction. On the other hand, my grandmother who lived with us was very religious and her God was judgmental and controlling, not a God that I wanted anything to do with. So of course I learned to rely on my program, ego wound itself for my beliefs and decisions. My left brain mine ran my life given that I wasn’t happy. It was obvious that this wasn’t working very well after years and years of many different kinds of therapies and workshops.
I realized that there was a vast difference between spirituality and religion and that neither my parents, nor my grandmother had any idea of the truth. As I’ve said before, I was deeply rooted in traditional psychotherapy. And after 17 years of practicing as a traditional psychotherapist, I wasn’t happy with the results with my clients. And that’s when I began my spiritual search. And that’s when I met Dr. Erica and we co-created in her bonding, which was pretty much downloaded to us by spirit. Erica helped me to access my personal source of spiritual guidance.
And I started to diligently practice inner bonding. I wanted so desperately to trust that there really was a source of love and strength and wisdom available to me, but my unhealed shame got in the way as long as I was abandoning myself and perpetuating the lack of love I experienced as I was growing up with the critical voice of my wound itself. That sounded just like my mother. I didn’t feel deserving of God’s love. As I gradually stopped abandoning myself and learned to love myself instead, the shame healed and I was more often able to stay open to learning with this came the deep, knowing that I, along with everyone on the planet, never alone, that the love and wisdom that is spirit is always here for all of us, but still I needed to test it out.
How could I be sure that what I was hearing coming through my mind was truer than what came from my mind. How could I be sure it was really my guidance? So I tested and tested. I noticed what happened when I didn’t listen. And what happened when I did finally, I was able to fully accept that my guidance is really here for me and that she knows what’s good and right, for me, finally, I fully accepted that the critical and authoritarian voice in my mind was coming from, from my intention to control and that my wound itself as a program, survival part of me that has no access to truth or to love learning, to fully trust the quiet voice of my higher guidance and trust the feelings and voice of my intuitive inner guidance took time and took practice and took testing.
And I see over and over with my clients that they’re afraid to trust their guidance. They often say to me, I don’t do. I know that what I think my guidance is telling me is the truth. How do I know it’s really my guidance and not my own mind making this up. What I then ask them is how do you know that what your wounded self is telling you is the truth. Why do you believe that voice? So there’s two ways to determine what’s true. One is to tune into your feelings, your feelings of fear, anxiety, depression, anger, guilt, shame, jealousy, aloneness, emptiness, and so on, or letting you know that what you’re telling yourself is not true for you.
It’s not loving to you. It’s not in your highest good. Your wound itself, who’s in charge is hurting and scaring you. That’s what these feelings are telling you is feelings are telling you that you’re indulging your wound itself in hurting and scaring you with the lies and false beliefs of that program. Part. Now your feelings of lightness and relief and fullness and peace and joy are letting you know that you’re hearing the truth. And sometimes your body will let you know with things like goosebumps, goosebumps.
Let me know. I’m hearing the truth. Yeah. The second way to determine what’s true is what I’ve said. You have to test it out, sometimes follow what your wound itself is telling you and see what happens and see how you feel and sometimes follow what you think your guidance is telling you and see what happens and notice how you feel with time and practice. You’re going to gradually shift your allegiance from the toxic voice of your wound itself to your inner and higher guidance. Of course, life will continue to, to include challenges, but it’s so much easier when you know that you’re always being guided by an unconditional source of love and wisdom and truth.
However, Have you ever noticed that when you’re feeling good, that critical voice, that voice, or that voice, that that thinks it can predict the future and predicts a dire future or the ruminating voice, the worrying voice, the procrastinating voice is suddenly there in your mind sabotaging your good feelings. This is because the wound itself is threatened with a loss of control. When you start to listen to the voice of truth, you’re likely experiencing the backlash of your threatened wound itself. My client Maria had been diligently practicing in her bonding for about six months before attending a five day in her Bonnie intensive on the third day of the tensive of the intensive, after doing deep work with some of her false beliefs and with discovering your true essence, her heart open.
And she felt for the first time, the deep peace and joy of spirit in her heart and her soul, wow. She said, this is really better than any drug. I love this. This is how I want to feel all the time. Many of you might’ve felt like at a workshop or in special moments of grace, that ecstatic feeling of being one with spirit and one with everyone and everything, it’s really the very best feeling ever better than sex, better than food, better than any drug, even better than being in love when you’re experiencing this feeling feels like it can’t possibly ever end yet.
It does end. It ends because our ego wounded self wants to thrive, wants to continue to be in control. And the one itself thrives on negativity. Negativity is the food of the wounded ego. Since eager wound itself is the part of us that wants to control everything and is based on the lies we learned and the lies we concluded as we were growing up, it cannot thrive in the face of love and truth, fearful of not existing. It comes forth with its lies such as well. Yeah, you can feel this way in a group, but you can’t feel this way by yourself.
You can access your spiritual guidance when you’re with Margaret, but you’re not capable of doing this on your own. If you stay in that open state, you’re going to be too vulnerable to being controlled by others. If you keep your heart open, you’re not going to be able to tolerate rejection. And you’re going to be taken advantage of better to be safe and protected. I’ve gotten you through life all this time. What makes you think that your spiritual guidance who you cannot even see, well, God will guide you, right? How can you even be sure it’s there? You’re just making all this up. It’s not reality.
The wound itself program with thousands of false beliefs goes on and on wanting you to move back into fear, anxiety, anger, and depression, because these feelings provide energy for the wound itself. The more you learn to love yourself and move along the spiritual journey. And the more you embrace your essence and connect with your guidance, the more threatened your wound itself is regarding losing itself. It’s important to understand this so that you can learn how to manage your wound itself rather than become your wound itself.
The way to manage your, when itself is with compassion, for how much this part of you wants to control. When you’re fully open to spirit, you’re in surrender to being guided, rather than relying on your Lindemann, your limited mind, you’re using your mind to access the truth, rather than relying on your mind for the truth to your wound itself. This feels threatening and out of control. The primary motive of your own itself is to keep you safe. It has no trust that listening to your guidance will actually keep you much safer than relying on your limited program.
Mine, the way that the one itself eventually starts to let go is when you take the risk of listening to your guidance and taking loving actions over and over, testing it out. As I’ve said, when you have enough experiences of guidance, really being there and caring about your highest good knowing what’s best for you, the wound itself starts to feel safe and starts to let go. And actually then realizes that there’s no ego death. It just begins to let go. And it actually can take on other jobs.
Like one of the jobs that I’ve given my wound itself is affirmations. Cause that is a form of control. And my wound itself loves that form of control so much better than being critical and judgmental. The spiritual journey is the journey of moving from mind, dominion to soul dominion from unconsciously, trying to protect with controlling behaviors, to consciously opening, to learning with spirit about what’s in your highest good and the highest good of all. And taking loving actions. It’s a lifetime journey. The more you practice consciously opening to your guidance, the easier it will eventually become for your soul to have dominion over your thoughts and behavior rather than your wounded self at this, your mind becomes the servant of the heart and soul rather than the heart and soul being the servant of the mind, which is what gets us into trouble.
When the wound itself is the one making the decisions As you practice inner bonding and learn to discern the voice of the wound itself, that’s in your head. It’s important to learn, to take this voice lightly when the self wants to take itself very seriously, just as the role models for this voice wanted you to take them seriously. One of the loving adult sees that this programmed voice just doesn’t know anything and has no access to truth. So the loving adult learns to take this voice lightly.
We cannot heal our wound itself from our wound itself. We cannot see our own beautiful essence through the distorted eyes of our wound itself, just as our role models for the voice of our wound itself could not see our essence. We can heal only when we develop a loving adult voice, that’s able to access the truth of who we are and our beautiful soul essence, the loving adult lives in the heart, not in the head. We’re a loving adult when we’re in surrender to our higher guidance and allow ourselves to be guided by truth rather than by the false beliefs of our wound itself.
We can heal her when the only way only when we have a deep intention to learn about our wound itself, we can’t learn about and heal our fears and false beliefs when we’re in judgment of ourselves and others, which is what the wound itself is all about. Powerful way of learning about and healing. Our wound itself is to be able to see our protective, controlling behavior with lightness and humor. You’re going to discover that you can make rapid progress in healing, the incessant voice of your wound itself. When you can laugh at yourself rather than judge yourself for your wounded thoughts and actions.
It’s really important to not take ourselves too seriously when we’re on the healing journey, the wound itself really wants to take itself very seriously because it wants us to think that it’s powerful and real yet the wound itself is an illusion and it has no actual substance because it’s based on the lie of course, shame and the lie of having control over others and outcomes. Only that which is true has substance. The wound itself wants us to believe that it has substance. So it takes itself very seriously.
But when we move into a true loving adult state, we’re able to see the wound itself through spiritual eyes, through the eyes of compassion and love and truth. We can see that the wound itself is just an illusion. It’s the false self, the selfie we created to try and be safe, the ego self, and it eventually takes a back seat in the light of the truth of who we really are. As You progress on your inner bonding healing journey. Remember to lighten up regarding your wound itself, remember to smile with deep compassion.
When you notice that your intention is to control when you can feel delight at discovering another false belief, another protection, another form of control. When you can bust yourself with humor, you will find it much easier to become aware of the wound itself and move into truth. Lightness and humor are great allies on our healing journey. Some people get confused regarding the word, the words protecting and controlling. So Jeffrey Jeffrey, one of my clients asked me in a zoom session, what’s the difference between protecting or controlling from your wound itself or from your loving adult?
Isn’t the loving adult supposed to protect the inner child? Yes, of course, but the loving adult protects by taking loving care of yourself and controlling what you can control, which is yourself. The wound itself protects by trying to control others and outcomes. So here’s an example of the difference. Let’s say that you have an actual child and someone is being mean to your child. The one that sells 10 tends to be very reactive. So is your wound itself. You might yell at the person or maybe even hit the person. If you’re a more violent person, your intent would be to control the person. The harsh controlling boys of your wound itself might cause you to act out in very unloving ways.
As your loving adult, you might first let the person know that it isn’t okay to treat your child that way. And if they didn’t stop, then you would take your child away and you would help your child to not take personally the other person’s unloving behavior. You would control what you can control, which is you. Same thing happens on the inner level. When someone does something that’s upsetting to you, you can either try and control them and try and get them to change. Or you can focus on what’s loving to you and take loving care of yourself. When you try to control the other person, you’re protecting yourself from your wounded self.
And when you take loving action on your own behalf, you’re protecting yourself from your loving adult. The confusion comes in when the intent is to protect rather than to love yourself. When your intent is to love yourself, you’re going to naturally protect yourself in inappropriate ways, by taking loving care of yourself. But when your intent is to protect your wound itself will take over to try and control others, control outcomes, and control your own feelings. Much confusion can come in. When the wound itself is masking as the loving adult, with the intent to avoid your painful feelings and saying things like I have the right to be angry and yell at that person, or I’m taking loving care of myself by rewarding myself with this donut, or it’s loving to me to relax with a bottle of wine in the evening, after all stress is harmful.
And this is how I distress when what’s really happening is that the wound itself is using anger, food or alcohol to numb out, trying to protect against the deeper, painful feelings of life, rather than taking loving care of yourself in the face of these feelings, feelings, such as loneliness, grief, heartbreak, and helplessness over others. Sometimes we do need to control others in order to protect them or ourselves. For example, you protect small children by not letting them run in the street. You’re controlling them for their health and safety.
And it’s an adult’s responsibility to exert this control. Someone is attacking you physically. And you know, self-defense, that is certainly loving yourself to do all you can do to protect yourself from being hurt. Again, it’s all about your intent. And the challenge is to not allow the wound itself, to can to convince you that the intent behind numbing or unloving controlling behaviors is unloving to yourself. It is loving to yourself rather than to control others or outcomes or your own feelings. Things get clearer. When we consistently open to learning with our higher guidance about what is loving toward ourselves.
If you were to ask your guidance, if the anger or the doughnut or the bottle of wine is in your highest good, and you were connected with your guidance and truly wanting to learn to love yourself and truly wanting to know what’s in your highest, highest good, then you would know that avoiding your feelings with various addictions, isn’t loving to yourself. It’s not those never loving to have a doughnut or drink wine, but when it’s being used to avoid your feelings, then it’s controlling and avoiding rather than being loving to yourself.
Now, of course, all of us have a wounded self that wants to act out in various addictive and controlling ways. Many of us frequently indulge ourselves in destructive and self-destructive behaviors, overeating, or eating junk foods, drinking too much using drugs, procrastinating, judging ourselves and others yelling at and blaming others, gambling acting out sexually. And so on. Often our wounded self seems to be in charge of us with no loving adult around to set inner limits indulging or wound itself is definitely not in our highest good, but what do we do about it? I’ve often shared the following true story with my clients, as well as at workshops and intensives.
I might’ve shared this with you in a previous podcast, but if I have, I’m still going to share it again. A woman brought her nine year old son to the great psychologist. Ericsson. Her son was completely out of control, stealing, breaking windows in the neighbor and at school bullying kids generally terrorizing the neighbor hood. His mother had tried everything to gain some control over him, but nothing was working. So Erickson told her what to do. She took her son home and she sat on him. She could see the TV, but he couldn’t. While she was sitting on him, she kept saying out loud, the doctor told me that I have to sit on you until I can figure out what to do with you.
And I just can’t figure it out. She sat on him all day and he could get up only to go to the bathroom, eat and drink water. The next day, she sat on him again, repeating what the doctor had told her to say, finally, in the afternoon of the second day, the boy said, I know what to do. You do? What said the mother? Well, I need to stop bullying kids and come back and give back the things I still and pay for the windows. I broke and stopped doing things like that. What a great idea said, his mother, the boy did, as he said, he wouldn’t stop terrorizing the neighborhood.
Finally, someone bigger than him had set the limits, which was exactly what he needed. He actually didn’t feel safe or loved as long as there was no one limiting his acting out behavior or inner system is exactly the same or wound itself may seem to be big and loud and out of control, but it’s really just a child or adolescent with a loud megaphone to sound big and strong or wound itself needs limits. And the only part of us actually big enough to set these limits and sit on this child or adolescent is, are spiritually connected, loving don’t.
We don’t have the strength to set loving limits on ourselves by ourselves. We can do it only in connection with our guidance by ourselves. We are one wounded part trying to control another wounded part, which never works with spirit. We have the strength and power to set inner limits and follow through on them. And we’re Never going to feel safe and loved until we develop a loving adult capable of setting inner limits. As long as we indulge her wounded self and addictive and controlling behavior, we’ll feel inwardly abandoned and anxious or wounded self wants to indulge in substance and process addictions to get love and avoid pain and try and feel safe.
Yet the indulging itself causes pain, anxiety and a lack of safety. So instead of indulging your wound itself, practice compassionately, but firmly sitting on him or her. The challenge here is in having the loving adult in charge rather than the wound itself. This will occur only through practicing, staying connected with your spiritual guidance throughout the day. The more you practice, the six steps of inner bonding and develop the new neural pathways in your brain for the loving adult, the more power you have to limit, both the toxic words and the unloving actions of your wound itself.
Imagine how safe you would feel if you had a powerful, spiritually connected, loving adult, making the decisions regarding your highest good, rather than your wound itself, just trying to control. So start Paying attention to your body and step one of inner bonding. And any time you feel less than peace and fullness inside, notice what your wounded self is saying to your inner child. When people become aware of this, I often ask them if they would ever say these things to an actual child, invariably, they say they would never say that to any child, because it would be very hurtful to the child to begin to be loving to yourself.
You need to be vigilant regarding what the voice in your head is saying to your inner child. And this Happens as you practice step one, which is staying present in your body with your feelings, your feelings will immediately tell you whether your wound itself is in charge or whether you’re loving yourself. So Of course, I encourage you to go to inner bonding.com, take our free course, take the 30 day, love yourself course. You can also learn inner bonding with my workbook, the inner bonding workbook, six steps to healing yourself and connecting with your divine guidance.
There’s many ways of learning inner bonding really encourage you. If you don’t know this process, go to the website, begin to learn it, get the support you need. And if you do know the steps begin to diligently, practice them, sending you my love and my blessings.