S2 EP64 – An Inspiring Example of Self-Love

Transcript

Hi everyone. This is Dr. Margaret Paul with the inner bonding podcast. And today I want to talk about a very inspiring example of somebody who learned to love themselves. You know, life changes so dramatically when we learn to love ourselves rather than continue to reject and abandon ourselves. And there’s this young woman example of a young woman who so dramatically changed her life and, and really learned to love herself physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, organizationally, and relationally, all these different levels.

She learned to take responsibility for herself. So I want to talk about Heather. Who’s become a friend. I, I live in a ranch with my best friend, Dr. Erica and we live as golden girls. We have a beautiful ranch, a 35 acre ranch, but it takes work and we’re both older. And so we do hire people to help us with our ranch and, and especially we hire young people and it’s, over the years, our ranch has gotten a reputation because when people work here, they actually get healed in so many different ways, both by being involved with me, being involved with Erica and with the ranch itself and with the animals.

So I want to share a specific example. Oh, and one of the things I want to share with you is that one of the perks that Erica gives these kids, cause Eric is in charge of the ranch and running the ranch. And so every day she provides healthy snacks for the people that work on the ranch. And that actually changes how they eat. Many of them have never had food like that. So it’s just one of the ways that we influence how people treat themselves is by giving them food that they’ve never had before.

So there came to us, it’s not her real name to work for us when she was 26 years old. Now Heather was born to a drug addicted mother who died when Heather was seven. And then after that, she lived with her uncle and his wife and their children. And there were problems there as well. And so Heather never really had any good mothering, any good fathering. She had no role for what it was like to be loving to herself. Well, like so many of us, even if we don’t have that traumatic background that she had, we, we don’t have good role modeling for learning to love ourselves.

So when Heather came to us, she was obese. She needed to lose a hundred pounds. She was living in a trailer with a boyfriend that was very dependent. He didn’t do much. She was the caretaker. He was the taker, as best as she could, given that she didn’t know how to take care of herself. She was a very lost soul. She had no idea what to do with her life. And she was barely getting by financially. So one Sunday I was out helping with the horses.

And one of the things that we would do sometimes when the weather was good, is that we would run them, get them running. And so I was out there at that time. And at that time I was in my late seventies and I was running. I could really run. Now, Heather at 26 could not run. She was just too heavy. It hurt her feet to run. And seeing me run, motivated her to do something about her way. So she asked me for help, which was great. I don’t actually offer it to help people like that unless they asked me. And so I, I helped her with her food and she did her own reading her own research to really understand what she had been doing that was causing her huge problems in her health and what she needed to do.

So Heather started to eat organic. Like I said, she did a lot of research. She learned what her particular body needed. And she started to eat really well. Now in that one year, Heather lost a hundred pounds, but it wasn’t just the food and was the social interactions in our barn on our ranch. It was us being there for her. And she knew that we were there for her and it gave her a sense of safety so that she could start to take risks In her life.

Erica helped her with issues about just living that she had never learned. And she went on our website in her bonnie.com and started to practice inner bonding to learn how to take emotional care of herself. As she lost this weight, she started to value herself more. And over time of being on the ranch, she realized that that, that she wanted to learn about, about soil health, about regeneration became really, really important to her. So being that it was important to her.

She wanted to go to college and kind of, it was just amazing to watch what she did. She wrote grants and she got scholarships and she went to college and she graduated. And as she took care of herself on all of these levels, taking care of herself, physically, emotionally, spiritually, all these different levels, she realized that the relationship that she was in was not a good relationship for her. And she left that needy boyfriend. And it didn’t take her long To meet a wonderful man Who she’s with.

Now, this is her, her current partner has, he’s very loving. He’s very caring. And they actually met at their common level of self-love rather than their common level of self-abandonment because that, that’s how, that’s how we attract. If we’re abandoning ourselves, rejecting ourselves, we’re going to meet it. That level. We’re going to meet somebody who’s also abandoning and rejecting ourselves. And that’s what happened with her in her earlier relationship. But once she started to practice in her bonding, when she started to see who she is in her soul, she’s just an amazing, very bright, very motivated, very caring, human being.

When she started to own her true essence, which we were able to mirror it to her, we were able to help her to own that. Sometimes we do need to be mirrored. Then she was so motivated to take better care of herself. Unfortunately, the, the boyfriend she was with didn’t grow with her. And so sometimes we do outgrow people. When we get on a growth path, we outgrow people, which she did. She outgrew that boyfriend, but she met this new man. Who’s just wonderful. And she now lives with him. She no longer lives in her trailer.

She now lives with her partner in a lovely apartment. And they’re just so happy together. And last week they were here, they were visiting us. And it was such a joy for us to see them together because they care each other. There’s a flow between them. You can see how happy they are. You can see how peaceful and how relaxed she is. It’s just, it just warmed our hearts to see where she is now. It brings us so much joy to help these young people and to provide the role modeling that they never had.

And I want to encourage those of you who are practicing inner bonding, who are learning to take loving care of yourselves, to put yourselves in situations, whether it’s with your kids or others or, or young people, somewhere other people’s kids in some environment where you can influence them. Because so many young people have no role modeling for how to take loving care of themselves. But like Heather, they might want to, they just don’t know where to start. And so I’m just so excited.

I wanted to share this with you. Every time we see Heather, we just feel all filled up with joy that she, she took advantage of what we offer. And of course, one of the major things that she did along with learning how to feed herself well, is she learned in her bonding and I can’t stress enough how important it is to be learning and practicing this process. When you don’t know how to love yourself, when you don’t even know that you’re not loving yourself.

When you think that that the pain that you’re in is coming from things external to you, then you just have no idea what to do. But when you learn to get into your body with your feelings and learn that your feelings are a powerful source of inner guidance, when you learn to move out of your programmed, Lower left brain, Where your wounded self lives and into your heart and soul, you start to reprogram your brain. You start to develop that loving adult self, which is what we need that’s in the higher brain.

So when you start to learn to move out of that program, mind and into your body, then you start to become aware of your feelings. And when you become aware that you’re feeling something other than peace inside, then you can do something about it. You can open to learning, which is step two of inner bonding. You breathe into your heart and you can learn to open to a higher source of love. We all have that. It’s here for all of us. This is what we live in. We live in a universe of love and peace and intelligence and guidance.

We’re never alone. And as you learn inner bonding, you learn to open to that higher source and be guided by that. That’s what happened with Heather. She, she learned, opened to that higher source. She learned to be guided by that, which is what helped her to lose the weight, which is what helped her to embrace her true soul self, to know who she is. And within our soul self is the blueprint for our passionate purpose, for why we’re here on the planet. And as she got to know herself, she was able to discover what she’s passionate about.

And once she discovered that, then her guidance helped her to get the scholarships that she needed in order to get through college. But she had to know who she was inside in order to find that passion. And so it’s so important to be learning, to stay present in your body, to be learning, to connect with your higher source of love and truth so that you can begin to see who you really are inside. If you feel lost, or if you’re in a job that you, that you don’t like, that’s not bringing you joy, then you need to do the work to discover the blueprint that’s in all of us, we all have a blueprint of what we came here to do what we came here to offer the planet.

What would bring us joy To offer, But you can’t find that when you’re abandoning yourself, so becomes so important to learn, to get present in your body, with your feelings, and then move into step two into your heart opening, to learning, learning, to bring in the love and compassion of your higher guidance into your heart, which is what creates the loving adult. And then learning to explore inside. Because anytime you’re feeling anything other than peaceful inside, that’s your, that’s your inner guidance. Letting you know that you’re abandoning yourself in some way, you’re rejecting yourself in some way, you’re, you’re judging yourself.

You’re, you’re numbing out your feelings. You’re making other people responsible. You’re, you’re blaming external things. You’re, you’re blaming other people. You’re being a victim. And that, that causes stress inside. And of course, stress is as many of you know, one of the major causes of illness. So it’s so important for us to learn, to bring peace inside of ourselves. And that’s what happens when you learn and practice inner bonding. And in step three, you’re going inside not to find out what somebody else is doing or what’s happening externally. That’s causing you a lack of peace, but to find out what you’re telling yourself from that programmed lower left brain, part of you H how you’re treating yourself.

Most of us learn to treat ourselves in the ways that we retreated or the ways that our caregivers treated themselves. And we continue to retraumatize ourselves by operating out of the false beliefs that we learned as we were growing up, you know, a false belief that most people have such as I’m not good enough. I’m not enough. There’s something wrong with me. Well, that’s a deep form of rejection of self rejection. As long as you’re telling yourself things like that, there’s no way you’re going to feel peaceful inside. So the lack of peace and the lack of fullness is the way that your soul, your inner child is letting you know that your wounded self is in charge, telling you lies, abandoning you in various ways.

Once you understand that once you go inside and you do the work and you understand what you’re telling yourself and how you’re treating yourself and what you’re trying to control or avoid or protect against with that old program behavior, then you opened your guidance again. And you ask about the truth of any of the false beliefs. If you were to ask your higher guidance, well, is it true that I’m not good enough? You’re a higher guidance would smile and say, well, of course not, you are a spark of the divine. You are an incredible being inside.

That’s who you really are. You are a unique and individualized expression of the divine with your own special gifts that you came here to offer the planet so important to be able to connect with that higher source, that gives you the truth about anything, any of the false beliefs that you’ve been operating from. And then you ask your higher guidance. Well, what would be loving to me, certainly not love to keep judging myself or ignoring my feelings or, or numbing out with addictions or making others responsible, being a victim.

What would be loving in this moment? And this is something that you want to get in the habit of, of asking all day long. I ask it all long. What’s loving to me now what’s in my highest good right now. And so in step four in her Bonnie, you’re asking what’s the truth and what would be loving to me right now. And there’s thousands of loving actions, but we can’t know what to do for ourselves in any given moment, unless we’re in touch with that higher, higher source of love and truth. And that’s why I ask all day, because I don’t know my mind doesn’t know I didn’t have any good role modeling, but I don’t have to know because I reached to my higher guidance and I ask.

And when you sincerely ask that raises your frequency along with eating really well. You can’t be eating junk food and have your frequency be high enough to access your higher guidance. It’s about frequency and order to keep your frequency high enough to access your guidance. You, you need to be eating well, eating clean, hopefully organic, natural food. And you need to be open to learning about loving yourself. That’s what raises the frequency high enough to access your higher guidance. And without accessing that, you actually can’t know what’s true and what’s loving.

And even if you access the truth, if you don’t take loving action based on what’s true, nothing really changes inside those false beliefs. Don’t get healed. They get healed when you take loving action on your own behalf, which you can only do when you are guided by a source, a higher source than your limited mind. And then once you understand what the action is, and in step five, you take the action, whatever it is you’re guided to take. There’s so many different actions that we need to take, whether it’s emotionally or physically, or financially, or in a relationship or with our art, our time and organization, whether it’s developing more of our spiritual connection with meditation and prayer.

So many levels of personal responsibility. One of the things that helped Heather so much in terms of this extraordinary level of healing is that she was open to taking responsibility on all of those levels. And if a young person at 26, who was really pretty much of a mess can do that mostly on her own. Of course, she had us to guide her, but not all that much, mostly on her own because she was willing to, she can do that. So can you, and it doesn’t matter how old you are. It is never too late to learn to love yourself.

And once you take the loving action in step five, then you tune back into your feelings. And if you feel a sense of relief, then you know that you’ve taken a loving action. If you feel more peaceful, if you feel fuller inside, then you know that you’ve taken a loving action. And if you don’t feel that, then go back through the steps, tune into your higher guidance again, and ask, what else can I do? That would be loving to me over time of practicing this. As I’ve said, you develop new neural pathways in your higher brain for the loving adult.

And it becomes easier and easier to naturally take loving actions for yourself. And this is what eventually heals the false beliefs, because when you’re taking loving action for yourself, then your soul, your inner child starts to feel, oh, I’m important. I’m I’m being valued and I’m not alone. There’s a, there’s a loving adult here who loves me and is taking care of me. So I have value I’m important. And the only way we start to feel that is not because other people are valuing us or loving us.

That’s great. That’s the icing on the cake, but we’re the ones that provide the cake by learning to love ourselves. So of course, I always encourage you to go to http:///www.nnerbonding.com, take advantage of our free seven day course. Take the love yourself course, very powerful in learning to love yourself. We have so many ways of learning inner bonding. We have SelfQuest at selfquest.com, which is a very in depth online program. We have  a program called Complete Self Love, which includes both the love yourself course and SelfQuest and six months membership in inner bonding village and an introductory inner bonding video to take you through the process, give you the overview. It is a wonderful program. So if you really want to learn inner bonding, if you really want to learn to love yourself, there are so many ways on the inner bonding site of learning to do that. 

I send you my love and my blessing.