In this episode of the Inner Bonding Podcast, Dr. Margaret Paul, co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process, talks about how your intention, as well as others’ intention, affects your energy. She cites how compassion can handle both negative energy that you’re sending to others and negative energy that others are sending to you.
Additionally, Dr. Margaret provides several tips on how to tune into the people in your life and determine whether they energize you or deplete your energy. She also shares ways how to protect yourself from being depleted.
97. Discover the Powerful Energy of Your Intention
Your intention not only governs your thoughts, feelings, and actions, it also governs your energy. Are you aware of how much your intention affects your energy? Are you aware of what energizes you and what depletes your energy? Are you vulnerable to being affected by other’s negative energy, and what to do about it? Find out what depletes your energy body and how to regenerate it.
A friend of mine recently said to me, somewhat in awe, “I’m just discovering that energy is everything!”
Right, it is, but what does this mean, exactly?
Our energy is the frequency, or vibration, that automatically emanates from our being, and is a result of our intention. Each of us is always radiating energy. Energy operates on a continuum from extremely negative to wonderfully positive and reflects our intent from an extremely dark and evil intent to an extremely light and loving intent.
Whenever our intent is to protect ourselves with some form of controlling behavior, our energy is in a low frequency – heavy, dark, difficult to be around. Whenever our intent is to be loving and to learn about love, our energy is lighter and easier to be around. Learning to discern the differences in our own and others’ energy is very important regarding being loving to ourselves.
Let’s take an example. Richard, 28 years old, fell in love with Rachael, also 28, and an extraordinarily beautiful woman with a winning smile. Richard tends to be a caretaker as his form of control. Caretaking, like other forms of overt and covert forms of control, lowers one’s frequency, and when we operate from a low frequency, we have a hard time accurately discerning another’s intent.
Richard believed that anyone this beautiful on the outside must also be beautiful on the inside. Instead of caring enough about himself to learn about Rachael’s primary intention, Richard allowed lust to determine his decisions and married Rachael. In time he discovered that Rachael was a hard, cold, and calculating woman, who was in the marriage to be taken care of financially. The marriage eventually ended in a difficult divorce, with Richard losing much financially.
Had Richard tuned into Rachael’s energy instead of being dazzled by her looks, he would have quickly discovered that Rachael came from fear, insecurity, and neediness. Had he been open to learning about loving himself, instead of trying to get love, he would have gone within to his own inner feeling experience of Rachael, and he would have easily known that her energy didn’t feel good inside of him. But because he was also operating from a low frequency due to his intent to control, he was not able to tune into Rachael’s intention to use him. Had he been open to experiencing Rachael with his heart and soul, rather than his mind and genitals, he would have known that she was not a loving partner for him.
How often do you ignore your feeling experience of someone, instead allowing your surface experience to govern your choices? It is only your feelings that are capable of discerning a person’s energy. If you feel a sense of inner uneasiness, pay attention to it. It might be telling you to be cautious. Even if a person appears on the surface to be open and friendly, the deeper intent is always betrayed by the energy. If the deeper intent in appearing open and friendly is to control, you can feel it in your body if you are open and you tune in. However, if your intent is to control, you may not be able to accurately discern another’s energy because, like Richard, your ability to discern is affected by your own intent. When your intent is to learn about what is loving to yourself, then you can tune in to your inner experience and discern another’s intent.
Energy is everything. How people look, what they say, or how they behave does not actually tell you anything. It is the energy behind their behavior and words that really matter. A person can say, with the softest voice, “I love you,” and the energy behind these words can be totally different, depending upon their intent. If the person’s intent in saying “I love you” is to get something – approval, sex, money, time, attention, or for you to say “I love you” back – the energy will not feel good inside you. You might feel pulled on or even drained by the expression of love. If the person’s intent is to share their love with you with no agenda in mind, it will feel very good inside you. Your job, if you are going to be a loving adult for your own inner child, is to stay open to learning about loving yourself so that you are open to learning about another’s intent. Your inner child will feel safe when you become a discerning loving adult, willing to know the truth about another’s intent and resulting energy.
Many people are aware of getting drained by being around people with negative energy.
Many of my clients ask me, “How can I avoid other peoples’ negative energy?”
“You can’t,” I tell them. “What you can do is learn to handle it so that it doesn’t affect you so much.”
Many people have negative energy. They are closed, hard, angry, withdrawn, anxious, stressed, blaming, resentful, irritated, hurt, judgmental, and so on. Their negative energy is theirs and it has nothing to do with you, but they may be directing it toward you, just as you might do when you are in your wounded self. When people are stuck in their wounded selves, they tend to dump their negative energy onto others as one way of dealing with it.
This can happen any time you are with another person or out in public. If you are not aware of it, you can get zapped by someone’s negative energy even while shopping at a supermarket. Someone you don’t know might glare at you for any number of reasons – jealousy, neediness, or because you remind them of someone they resent. Or you might be the one doing the zapping without realizing it.
More common are negative energy dumps with people you know – your partner, child, parent, boss, co-worker, or friend. You might feel it as a clenching in your stomach or a tightness in your heart. These feelings are your inner child – your feeling soul self – letting you know that you have been zapped with negative energy, or that you are dumping negative energy onto others.
The challenge here is two-fold: becoming aware of sending negative energy to others and becoming aware of negative energy being sent to you. Both of these can be handled by the same choice – the choice of compassion.
Compassion is an extremely powerful energy – far more powerful than any negative energy that you can send out or that can be sent to you. Imagine negative energy as a dark room. Imagine compassion as a brilliant light. The moment you turn on a light in a dark room, the darkness is gone. The light is far more powerful than the darkness.
Compassion is like this. Its powerful energy is like a shield of light that can protect you from negative energy. However, the key is that the compassion has to be for yourself first. You need to be in Step One of Inner Bonding – tuned into your feelings with deep compassion. The moment you feel the negative energy in your stomach, solar plexus, or heart, you move into Step Two, the compassionate intent to learn. Instantly, you can know if you are being zapped or if you are zapping, and you can then feel compassion for yourself. If you are being zapped, you can extend the compassion outward toward the other person, which forms a protective shield of compassion around you. Now the negative energy bounces off, as if it is hitting a powerful shield of compassion. You are inside the compassion bubble, safe from any negative energy. And compassion for yourself will stop you from sending negative energy to others.
With practice, you can be in this state even before any negative energy comes your way. When you are consistently operating as a loving adult connected with your higher source of love and compassion, and consistently bringing through compassion to your inner child, you can reach a point where you are not projecting out negative energy and you don’t even feel the zap of another’s negative energy. Someone can be sending you negative energy, but it bounces off your compassion bubble without it going into your body at all. You can be aware of the negative energy, and send compassion to the other person, but your frequency is unaffected by it.
We all need to be aware of how profoundly energy can affect us and others. We need to be aware of the energy we are sending out, and we need to be taking loving care of ourselves so that we are not receiving others’ negative energy.
You can certainly choose to not spend a lot of time with negative people, but everyone will likely have some negative energy at times. Consistently practicing Inner Bonding will help you to remain inwardly peaceful in the face of others’ negative energy and will support you staying in a loving adult state so that you are not sending negative energy to others. Remember, it’s all about your intent. Your intent to learn about love creates a positive, open energy, while your intent to control results in a closed negative energy.
Are you aware of what depletes your energy? We live in very stressful times, and it is vitally important that we do all we can to keep ourselves healthy. Do you sometimes find yourself feeling depleted, even when you first wake up or later in the afternoon? Often, this is because the people in your life, the environment, and situations in your life, or what you put into your body or your own thought processes coming from your wounded self with an intent to control, are depleting your energy.
Take a minute right now to tune into the people in your life – your primary relationships, the people you work with, your friends. Picture yourself with each one. Which ones energize you and which ones deplete you? People are energetically givers or takers. Givers are those people who are sharing their caring energy with you, while takers are those people who attempt to suck the energy out of you. If you are not aware of this, you are very vulnerable to having your energy depleted. You leave that person feeling tired and you are not sure why.
Once you tune into the people who may be depleting your energy, you have some choices. You can interact less with them if that is possible. You can also learn to shield yourself from their pull or learn to take loving care of yourself in the face of it. Along with what I previously mentioned regarding bringing in compassion and surrounding yourself with that powerful energy, you can do this in a number of ways,
- One is to imagine a bubble of light around you with a mirror on the outside so that their pull gets energetically reflected back to them.
- Another is to set your intent on not caretaking them, not taking responsibility for their feelings and needs. Your intent is a powerful way to protect yourself from others neediness, but it needs to be a conscious decision.
- A third way is to move into an intent to learn with them, saying something like, “I’m feeling like you want something from me and I’m not sure what it is. What is it you are needing?” Often, this will alert the other person to the fact that he or she is pulling on you for approval, attention, or validation.
- Another way is, if you are with someone who may be open to learning with you, you can state your truth and open to learning, saying something like, “I’m feeling pulled on (or invaded) by you and it’s not feeling good to me. There must be a good reason for this pull, and I’m interested in understanding it. Would you be willing to explore it with me?” Much can be learned about you and the other person if both of you are open to the exploration.
- If it is someone with whom you are in an ongoing relationship and who isn’t likely to be open to learning, you might want to tell the truth and state an action, saying something like, “I’m feeling pulled on (or invaded) by you and it doesn’t feel good. You need to stop, or I will end our conversation.”
The first step is to become aware of feeling energetically depleted around certain people, and then decide how to take care of yourself in each situation.
Author Susan Cain, who wrote the wonderful book, “Quiet,” stated that introverts, who are people who regenerate their energy by being alone, enter interactions with 5 coins. In the process of interacting, they give away their coins and then need to be alone to regenerate. Extroverts, who are people who regenerate around people, enter social interactions with no coins, and get regenerated by taking the coins that the introverts give away. I think this is an interesting way of looking at our differences in energy.
What you think greatly effects your level of stress and therefore your overall energy. Anything that causes stress can rob you of your energy. When you think thoughts from your wounded self with an intent to control, thoughts that cause you to feel anger, anxiety, and fear – thoughts about the past, the future, about how to control people, events and the outcome of things – your body will be using up a lot of energy dealing with the stress that these thoughts cause. One of our greatest challenges is to be in the moment rather than in the past or future. When you are operating from your loving adult with an intent to learn, you will be in the present moment. The moment does cause stress when there is actually something stressful happening, such as a fire, a car screeching to a halt in front of you, an accident, illness, someone yelling at you, and so on. However, often our stress is not from an actual event in the moment, but from what we fear will happen – all the bad things we tell ourselves from our wounded self about what can happen.
The way out of this is to stay in connection with your spiritual guidance, with your source of love, compassion, truth, wisdom, and strength. Yet when difficult things are happening it is very challenging to stay in faith and love. Our wounded self takes over, telling us about our mistakes and failures and about all the bad things that can happen to us. We get stuck in the earthly journey rather than the soul’s journey. We lose touch with the fact that we are here to evolve our soul in love. We forget that we can choose to meet the challenges in our lives from love rather than from fear.
It is very easy for the body to be in stress when we are concerned with controlling our earthly journey. Obviously, if we were in pure faith, knowing that Spirit is always supporting the highest good of our soul’s journey, we would not be afraid. This is the challenge of the spiritual path – to move more and more into surrender to whatever occurs and attempt to stay in love, faith, and lightness of being regardless of the outcome. Like Wayne Dyer said, Inner peace and moments of enlightenment come when we truly accept and embrace what is.
Has your life turned out the way you imagined it would? Do you have the relationship you want, the money you want, the job that brings you joy and satisfaction, the house or car or freedom you want? For many people, their lives have not turned out the way they planned. But what if what the soul wants is to accept whatever is and stay in connection with love? What if what we came here to do on this planet is to learn complete acceptance of the journey and have love and kindness toward ourselves and others as our highest priority, regardless of the outcome? We may not be able to have the outer things we want, but if we focus on what the soul wants, we will always be okay. We can always choose to be kind and caring to ourselves and with others and it is this choice that will bring inner peace regardless of the outer circumstances.
Choosing love will energize you, while choosing fear and control will deplete your energy.
It’s when your intention is to learn about love that you can learn to fill up your energy body.
We each have a physical body – the body we can see, the body we move around in. We also have an energy body that is within and around our physical body. Our energy body is like the electrical system in a house – it brings life and vitality to our physical body.
The electrical system of our energy body is powered by the meridians that run through and around our body, while the charkas are like energy plants that send energy through the meridians. As I’ve talked about, our energy system can get depleted by many things, as well as blocked. When our energy body is depleted or blocked, our physical body becomes tired, listless, or ill. We can also think of our energy body as our soul that is both within our body and all around our body – the immortal part of us that survives physical death. When we are not taking care of our inner child, our feelings, our energy system can get depleted or blocked, which can then lead to illness.
As I’ve stated, there are many things that effect our energy body. Our thoughts, emotions and state of mind, the food we eat, exercise or lack of it, our relationships with people, our relationship with nature, as well as our intention to love or control and our relationship with Spirit. They all impact our energy body.
When our energy body is filled with energy and flowing smoothly, we feel alive, vital, and filled up inside. Our challenge is to keep our energy body filled without resorting to behaviors such as overeating, eating the wrong things, or pulling on others for love and attention, and learning how to prevent others from depleting our energy.
My client, Kimberly, is constantly feeling depleted and worn out. She eats well and gets enough exercise and sleep, yet she is always complaining about being tired. The problem is that energetically Kimberly is a giver. She gives out love to everyone without first making sure that she is filling herself with love, and without making sure that the love is coming back to her. She is not discerning regarding when people are taking love and when they are sharing love. Because she is such a giving person to others, but not to herself, her husband and children have learned to take her love without giving it back.
If Kimberly wants to feel energized instead of depleted, she needs to do a number of things to fill her energy body.
- She needs to take more time for herself, energizing herself by being in nature and even hugging a tree, consciously visualizing the energy of the earth, the trees and plants, and the sun filling her. Since Kimberly lives in a city with concrete instead of earth, she needs to go to a park and stand on the earth, preferably barefooted. The earth itself gives a lot of energy, but not so much when it is covered with concrete.
- She needs to spend more time in conscious connection with her spiritual guidance. While Spirit is always energizing us, we can greatly increase the energy flow by being in conscious connection with Spirit through our intent to learn about loving ourselves and others. Spending more time in prayer and practicing Inner Bonding will energize her energy body.
- She needs to notice and release the thoughts that deplete her energy – judgmental, angry, blaming, shaming thoughts, and thoughts that cause fear and anxiety. Negative thinking causes the body to go into a fight or flight reaction, which depletes our energy system.
- She needs to practice being in compassion for herself, giving herself the same compassion she gives to others. Not only will compassion for herself energize her energy system, but through being in tune with herself, she will learn to discern when someone is taking her love rather than sharing love. She then has the choice to take loving action on her own behalf, so she is not perpetuating one-way relationships.
- She needs to engage in some creative activity, such as art, crafts, cooking, gardening, writing, dancing, music, and so on. Creative activities open us to Spirit and energize our energy body.
- She needs to continue to eat pure foods and get adequate exercise and sleep.
- And, of course, she needs to be more aware of her intention to love or to control. She needs to be aware of her tendency to give love to get it back, using her love or her compliance as a means of control. The intent to learn energizes the energy body, while the intent to protect depletes it.
- We live in a stressful society where work, money issues, time issues and family issues can easily deplete our energy body. We need to consciously take the time to regenerate in many ways, and especially being aware of our intent, if we want to maintain a high level of health and well-being.
I hope you join me in my 30-Day at-home Course: “Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships,” as well as for my 30-Day online video course to connect more deeply with your spiritual guidance: Unlocking Your Inner Wisdom.
My recent books will also be a big help to you: The Inner Bonding Workbook: Six Steps to Healing Yourself and Connecting With Your Divine Guidance,Diet for Divine Connection: Beyond Junk Foods and Junk Thoughts to At-Will Spiritual Connection, and 6 Steps to Total Self-Healing: The Inner Bonding Process.
And, of course, we have much to offer you at our website at https:www.innerbonding.com.
I’m sending you my love and my blessings.
©Dr. Margaret Paul, 2022