S2 EP300 – You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For

Hi everyone, and welcome to the Inner Bonding Podcast. I’m so glad you’re here with me today. One of my favorite lines from the movie Frozen 2 is “You are the one you’ve been waiting for.” In this movie, Queen Elsa goes on a search for the spirit that connects the spirits of earth, water, fire, and air, not realizing that she is the connector. Just like with us – when we are a loving adult, we are the connector between our inner child and our spiritual guidance. 

Yet many people go through life searching for someone or something outside themselves to connect with and make them feel loved, safe, worthy, or whole. You might be looking for the perfect partner, the perfect job, the perfect body, the perfect achievement – hoping that when you find it, you’ll finally feel worthy and full inside.

But the truth is, no one can fill the emptiness that comes from self-rejection and self-abandonment. No relationship, success, or circumstance can give you the love and connection you might be withholding from yourself.

The love and connection you’ve been seeking has been inside you all along – waiting for you to turn inward, to listen, and to embrace your own heart and soul.

That’s what we’ll explore today:

• Why you search for love and connection outside yourself,
• How this search may be keeping you stuck,
• What it means to become the one you’ve been waiting for, and
• How the practice of Inner Bonding helps you come home to yourself.

Take a deep breath and let’s begin this journey inward – a journey toward becoming the person you’ve been waiting for.

From the time we’re very small, we’re taught to look outside ourselves for love and connection.

We learn that if we’re good, we’ll be loved. If we achieve, we’ll be approved of. If we look a certain way, we’ll be accepted. If we make others happy, we’ll be safe.

And so, we create our ego wounded self and we become performers. We learn to please, to control, to achieve – all in the hope of finally feeling loved, connected, and secure.

But what happens when we base our worth on other people’s reactions, or on how much money we have, or how famous we are, or how many toys we have, or how we look, or on whether we are married or have children?

We lose ourselves. We become anxious, because love, safety, and connection feel unpredictable and fragile. We become resentful, because we’re giving and giving, or trying to control in other ways, but not receiving what we truly need. And deep inside, we feel alone.

This inner emptiness isn’t because love doesn’t exist. It’s because we’ve abandoned the source of it – our own heart and soul through which we can connect with the Divine, which is love.

You might want to take a deep breath and ask yourself, “Where have I been looking for love and validation outside myself?” Just notice – without judgment.

When we feel unloved or unworthy, our wounded self looks for rescue.
It believes, “If only someone would love me, then I’d be okay.”

So we create fantasies – the perfect partner who will finally understand, the job that will prove our value, the approval that will heal our shame.

But your wounded self is trying to get love while still abandoning yourself.
And that never works. Because love received through control or neediness only momentarily fills fill us, and very soon we feel empty and alone again and have to keep tap dancing as fast as we can to try to get from others what our inner child needs from us. 

The paradox is that we attract loving relationships only when we already feel full inside. When we love ourselves, we radiate a vibration that invites love in a healthy, mutual way.

Ask yourself: “Am I hoping someone else will make me feel worthy or safe?”
Notice what arises – with compassion, not criticism.

So what does it mean to become the one you’ve been waiting for?

It means turning inward and being present with your inner child, your soul – the feeling part of you and letting him or her know that you are present, saying “I’m here. I’m listening. You are not alone.”

It means learning to take loving responsibility for your feelings – to comfort, nurture, learn about what your feelings are telling you about whether you are loving yourself or rejecting yourself, and guide yourself the way a truly loving parent would.

It means connecting with your spiritual guidance – your higher self – connecting with the love that is God and letting that love flow through your heart to your inner child.

I know I’ve said this in many different ways in other podcasts, but I can’t say it enough because it is the heart of healing. You become whole and full of love when you learn to define your own worth through the eyes of your spiritual guidance, and you develop your strong loving adult, operating from the truth rather than from the lies of your wounded self. You become whole and full of love when you know that you are not your wounded self – that your soul within and without is a spark of the Divine, and that you are the light. As you do this Inner Bonding work, the false beliefs that have been limiting you heal, and you live from the truth of your higher Divine self.

You can do all kinds of other work, but you won’t come home to yourself until you do this work of owning your beautiful soul, healing your false beliefs, developing your loving adult, and are guided by your higher guidance rather than by your wounded self.

When you become the one you’ve been waiting for, you stop chasing love and start sharing it. You stop trying to get validation and start living from the truth of your worth.

If you are not walking or driving, close your eyes for a moment. Place your hand over your heart. Imagine your inner child sitting before you – small, tender, waiting, and say softly: “I see you. I hear you. I will continue to learn more about who you are, and I will continue to learn more about how to take loving care of you. You don’t have to wait anymore. I am here, and I will continue to do the inner work I need to do for you to feel loved by me.”
Take a breath and feel what happens inside when you connect with your inner child in this way.

Inner Bonding gives us a clear path to becoming the one we’ve been waiting for. Once again let’s walk through the six steps together.

In Step 1, use your breath to focus inside your body, scanning your body for physical feelings, such as tightness or heaviness. Notice what emotions these physical feelings may be alerting you to, such as anxiety, sadness, depression, anger, shame, or emptiness. These are messages from your inner child asking for your attention. Make a decision that you want to learn about what your feelings are telling you. Instead of moving away from them as you likely often do, move toward them, welcoming and embracing them as vital information for you.

In Step 2, consciously open to learning about how you are treating yourself and what you are telling yourself from your wounded self that may be causing these painful wounded feelings, as well as what the false beliefs are that are fueling your self-abandoning behavior, what the truth is, and what would be loving to your inner child. Then visualize your older wiser self or whatever you turn to for higher guidance and invite the beautiful qualities of spirit into your heart, inviting in love, compassion, strength, wisdom, courage, and truth into your heart. This step shifts you from the wounded self’s intent to control to the loving adult’s intent to be loving and compassionate.

Then move into Step 3, dialoguing with your inner child and your wounded self. Ask your inner child, “What am I telling you and how am I treating you from our wounded self that is causing these painful feelings?” and listen for the answer. If your inner child trusts you enough to speak with you, you will receive an answer. If there is no answer, it means that you need to practice being more attentive and caring toward your inner child before he or she will trust you enough to speak with you. 

If you do discover what you are telling yourself and how you are treating yourself – such as judging yourself, numbing your feelings with addictions, or blaming others for your feelings – then go deeper into your wounded self to discover the false beliefs behind these self-rejecting behaviors. What do you believe about why you think you need to judge yourself? Do you believe you are not good enough to be loved? What do you believe about whether or not you can learn from and manage painful feelings, or about who or what is responsible for your feelings? What do you believe about feelings in general?

Once you have a handle about how you are treating yourself that may be causing your painful feelings, or how you may be abandoning your existential feelings of life, such as grief, heartbreak, loneliness, or helplessness over others, move to Step 4 of Inner Bonding – dialoguing with your higher guidance.

Ask spirit: “What is the truth about these false beliefs?” and listen closely for the answers. Spirit is very quiet, and you need to be very open, curious, and present to access the truth. Also ask, “What is the most loving action to my inner child right now?” and be alert for the quiet voice of spirit, or to images or feelings that are letting you know the truth.

Now, ask your guidance to show you who you are as a soul. Imagine you as a very young child. Who are you before you identified with your wounded self and came to believe that you are not good enough, or not worthy of love? Let your guidance help you to become the one you’ve been waiting for by owning your beautiful essence qualities. You might want to write these qualities down where you can see them daily, reminding you of who you really are so that you can come home to yourself. 

Then, in Step 5, you do what your guidance shows you to do, whatever it is that would be loving to your inner child. Often, it’s the same as what would be loving to an actual child who is needing to know that they matter, that they are important, worthy, and lovable. It’s time to become the loving mom and dad that to your inner child that he or she has always wanted and needed. It’s time to show up as the loving adult your inner child has always been waiting for.

Once you take a loving action for your inner child, notice how you feel in Step 6. Do you feel some relief? Do you feel lighter, more peaceful, more open? If yes, you’ve taken a loving action.

Each time you move through these steps, you deepen your relationship with your true soul self – your inner child. You build trust with your inner child, and your sense of self-worth grows naturally.

As you practice loving yourself and living as the one you’ve been waiting for, you will begin to notice some very positive changes:

• You find that you no longer tolerate unloving behavior from others.
• You are able to set healthy boundaries and take action on them without guilt.
• You naturally stop chasing approval because you already have your own.
• You experience more and more peace even when life is uncertain.
• You often feel joy bubbling up from within.
• Your relationships with others naturally improve because now you are able to share love rather than trying to get love.

This is the freedom that comes when you open to the source of love and learn to behave in loving ways toward yourself.

Your relationships will become partnerships of sharing rather than of neediness. You will find your creativity flowing more easily. You will feel alive, authentic, and aligned with your soul and your higher guidance.

And perhaps most importantly, you will no longer reject yourself with your self-abandoning behavior. You will become your own safe place.

You might want to ask yourself: “What might change in my life if I truly became the one I’ve been waiting for?” Let your heart and soul – not your wounded self – answer.

Can you imagine what our planet would be like if everyone became the loving mom and dad to their own inner child and defined their own worth? When you are able to see and know your own soul, it becomes easy to relate to others as their loving and lovable soul rather than how they look, their gender, their politics, their race, their sexuality, their nationality, their financial situation, their job, or anything else that’s external to who they really are. When you are able to see who someone is in their soul, you feel your oneness with them and cannot do them harm. This is what our world needs – each of us loving ourselves so we can share our love with others and feel our oneness with all of life. Violence toward each other and toward animals and our planet would cease if people did the inner work of becoming the one they have been waiting for. 

From a spiritual perspective, you have never been separate from love.
You were created in love, and love is your essence.

When you seek love outside yourself, it’s because you’ve forgotten who you are. As you learn to love yourself, you gradually remember the truth of who you are – a spark of the Divine that is love.

The journey of becoming the one you’ve been waiting for is really the journey of returning to your divine essence – the part of you that has always been whole, lovable, and worthy.

Your inner child longs for your love because that love reconnects you to spirit. And when you live from that connection, you experience a peace that no circumstance can take away.

This is the profound lesson in one of my favorite books which I’ve mentioned a few times previously – Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankel. The reason I love this book is because Frankel is an amazing role model for maintaining his inner peace and connection to his inner knowing even in the face of being in a concentration camp with his life constantly threatened. We need role models of being a loving adult and becoming the one we’ve been waiting for, and he is a wonderful role model. Unfortunately, we don’t have many role models for loving actions for our inner child, which is why we need to learn to access this information from our higher guidance.

Most of the time I am the one my inner child has been waiting for, but not always. To me, this is a life-time journey, and, like everyone, I make mistakes on this journey, which is why I easily forgive others their big and small mistakes. It’s a lifetime learning process to become fully the one you’ve been waiting for, so please have compassion when you mess up and act in ways that hurt yourself and others. The wounded self can easily take over when you are tired or ill, or someone you love is very ill, or you are plagued with financial issues, or you are in an abusive relationship and can’t find your way out. Don’t forget that you are human, and as a human you will mess up over and over. But each time you mess up, you have an opportunity to learn from it rather than judge it so that you don’t do it again.

I encourage you not to let past mistakes define you. We all have regrets, but instead of ruminating about your mistakes, learn from them. I’ve made some big mistakes in my life that I’m still learning from. They are all times when I didn’t listen to myself – to my inner knowing and my higher guidance. They are all times when I put my wounded self in charge, and I’ve paid the price for these mistakes. But I’ve learned from them on such a deep level that I know I will never make these kinds of mistakes again. Every mistake or failure is a profound opportunity to learn and grow more and more into the person your inner child needs for you to be and to become the one you’ve been waiting for.  

This life is about evolving in your ability to love yourself and others. It’s not about getting there but about always being in the process of learning and growing, regardless of the external circumstances you find yourself in. 

So today, remember this truth: No one outside you can complete you.
No one else can make you feel worthy or whole in a deep and permanent way, because you are the one you’ve been waiting for all along.

Each time you turn inward with compassion, each time you attend to your feelings with an intent to learn instead of judging them, ignoring them, numbing them with addictions, or blaming others or circumstances for them, each time you open to your guidance for the truth and the loving action – you become your own beloved and best friend – the one you’ve been waiting for.

This is the essence of Inner Bonding. It’s the path of coming home – home to yourself, home to love, home to the truth that has never left you.

Thank you for joining me today. May you walk forward knowing that you are already whole as a soul, already loved as a soul, and already enough as a soul – your true self. A friend of mine, Cynthia James, author, coach and speaker, uttered a profound statement recently: “You cannot erase God’s gifts”. I love this. Regardless of how buried your individual gifts are, they are not gone. Your ego wounded self cannot erase them, nor can anyone else regardless of how you might have been treated as a child. They are there to be discovered by your loving adult, which you can learn to do through your Inner Bonding process. Your soul has many gifts waiting to be brought into the light of love by becoming the one you have been waiting for.

I invite you to join me for my 30-Day home study Course that teaches Inner Bonding: “Love Yourself.” Here you can begin learning to become the one you’ve been waiting for

As always, I’m sending you love and blessings on your healing journey.