S2 EP281 – Nothing External Will Heal You

Hi everyone Dr. Margaret Paul here with the Inner Bonding Podcast. Today I’m speaking about a very important topic, which is what actually heals. Many people try many passive forms of healing that can make them feel better for the moment but may be bypassing actual healing.

And all of these things are helpful, they’re all important, they can all be adjuncts to Inner Bonding, but they’re not a complete process in themselves because they don’t get down to the bottom line of how to heal false beliefs, how to develop a true loving adult who can learn and grow and heal these false beliefs, how to create a spiritual connection, which is actually extremely important in doing any healing because it gives us the role model of what we need to do.

And people do things, wonderful things like meditation or using crystals or bowls and yoga, sound healing, water therapy, various medicinal drugs, some traditional psychotherapy, following a guru, things like Reiki, or a massage, these are all wonderful adjuncts, but in and of themselves, they don’t heal on the deep level.

Some therapies give you awareness, but not the deeper level of healing that comes about when you really are able to access the false beliefs that may be controlling your life and be able to access the truth about these and what actions would be loving to you. Without loving action, nothing actually changes.

Nothing external can change things for you; you’re the one that has to do it. Trauma therapies can help temporarily, but my experience is over and over again and I’ve worked with trauma so much that without doing the deeper level of work to learn to love yourself, to learn to take responsibility for your feelings, to learn to heal your false beliefs, to learn to access a higher power that allows you to develop a loving adult, the healing doesn’t last because if you’re abandoning yourself, if you haven’t learned how to be loving to yourself, then the healing can’t last because you’ll be retraumatizing yourself over and over again by the various ways you’ve learned to abandon yourself.

So you can do all these forms of therapy, but if it’s not enabling you to understand how you abandon yourself, the false beliefs that underlie self-abandonment, what the truth is and what’s loving, and then take loving action on your own behalf, how can any of these heal on a deep level? They can’t. They’re all incomplete.

It’s like you’re buying a chapter, but you’re not getting the whole book. It’s like you’re buying one ingredient, but not the whole cake. Inner Bonding offers you a very complete process. This process, we developed this 41 years ago, it has survived the test of time. It works when you do it and you can use these other therapies as adjunct therapies, all of them help, but they’re not complete, and so often people want something instant, “Oh, I’ll take a psychedelic, and I’ll have instant healing.” Well, it doesn’t work that way.

The psychedelic can certainly help you to tune into some things that you may need to deal with. It may help you tune into some false beliefs, it may help you to develop a spiritual connection, but it’s not a complete process. None of these are complete processes. m\Meditation is wonderful. I meditate, but so often people use meditation as a spiritual bypass to avoid their feelings.

Sometimes people do these things to get rid of their feelings, to get rid of their pain rather than learn about what they may be doing to cause it or learn to manage the existential pain of life. If you don’t learn these things, then the pain keeps coming back and you have to keep trying to find various ways of avoiding it.

No therapy can do it for you. A true facilitator or a loving partner does it with you not for you. Things like animal therapy can also help – a companion to walk with you. Animals are on the level of love and spirit, but they can’t do it for you, they can do it with you.

So unless you want responsibility for your own feelings, unless you really want to take responsibility for learning to truly love yourself, which again means healing the false beliefs that are generating your self-abandoning behavior, the external healing isn’t going to do it.

It doesn’t work to just take your pain away, which is what so many things are offering, something external, but all healing is internal. Doing something external is actually the lazy person’s way to peace, but it doesn’t heal on the deep level. These forms of therapy don’t help you learn from the past; they don’t help you learn from your mistakes; they don’t help you learn from your feelings. It’s really important to accept that there is no instant healing.

It is a process; it’s always a process. 

It took a long time to get to where you are. It took years of operating from your false beliefs. It took years of developing your wounded self and trying to avoid pain rather than learn from it; it isn’t going to be an instant process, there is no instant healing, and it’s really important to accept that, to accept that all of our feelings have vital information for you, and yes, it’s not easy.

The natural path of healing is a path full of potholes and speed bumps. It’s not a yellow brick road that you just walk down, and you get there. It’s full of challenges and it takes courage, but when you have that courage, then you learn to dance your way through with humor, with laughter, with creativity and fun as you learn to take responsibility for your feelings. It doesn’t always have to be heavy.

It can be light. It can be joyous. There can be so many aha moments that release you, that free you when you’re willing to take this courageous journey, and often you may need to take it with a facilitator or with a very loving partner or a very loving relationship. We learn through relationships; we don’t just do this on our own. As I’ve often said, our deepest healing gets triggered, our deepest triggers get triggered in relationship.

We find out what needs to be healed through relationship. Inner Bonding is an amazing process. By practicing Inner Bonding, you learn to be what we call a loving adult to your inner child. You learn to spiritually connect in whatever form suits you, and you learn to use your sense of humor and lightness of being to navigate it. 

You can do this. You are the light and nothing can stop you once you get on this path, but as I said, you don’t do it alone because relationships bring up whatever is unhealed, even a relationship with a therapist or a facilitator, a relationship with a friend, a relationship with a partner, a child, a parent, all relationships bring up what’s unhealed, and so this is not something that you do on your own.

Healing is something that occurs within relationship, which is one reason why it’s so helpful to have an Inner Bonding facilitator. Healing is a sacred blessing, and you have to find someone who has done their own deep work to be in the frequency of love and light.

If you’re looking for someone to help you, if you’re looking for a facilitator, be sure that that person has done their own inner work because somebody can take you only as far as they’ve gone. If they haven’t done their inner work and are not in the process of always doing their inner work, they cannot take you any deeper than they themselves have gone.

Now, you don’t always need a facilitator for Inner Bonding. Many people do do it on their own with a friend, with an Inner Bonding buddy, with a therapist, with a facilitator, but not necessarily. It could be with somebody who also knows Inner Bonding and can help you in your Inner Bonding process.

One of the things that I often recommend to people that I work with or people in my intensives or my masterclass, is to find an Inner Bonding buddy because it’s so much easier to be there for somebody else than to be there for yourself, and so if you have a friend that also wants to learn Inner Bonding, you can support each other in this If you can’t afford facilitation.

And there’s so much information on our website at innerbonding.com that can help you with this. I’ve heard from many people who do it on their own that let me know that it’s been life-changing for them, so I know that people can learn this process on their own with a relationship with a friend, with an Inner Bonding buddy.

You can also do it on your own, but you’ll only get so far because as I said, our deepest issues get triggered within a relationship, and so it’s within a relationship that we get to do the healing work that we need to do. I really want to encourage all of you to learn Inner Bonding regardless of what else you’re doing, regardless of all the different modalities that you might love. I really encourage you to learn and practice Inner Bonding and all of these modalities, as I said, can be adjuncts to Inner Bonding.

I never discourage people from doing whatever it is they want to do, whatever forms of therapy, whatever external processes that they feel helpful, but what’s so important is your intention. If your intention is to get rid of pain, then you’re just going to stick with these external processes to try and get rid of the pain.

If your intention is to learn from your pain, learn to take responsibility for your feelings, learn to manage the existential pain of life, learn how you’re treating yourself that may be causing so many of your feelings like anxiety and depression and guilt and shame and anger and aloneness and emptiness and jealousy. These are the feelings we cause with our self-abandoning behavior coming from false beliefs.

Now, you might’ve been told that it’s really hard to unearth the false beliefs, but it’s actually not. This is a big part of the Inner Bonding process; this is part of step three of Inner Bonding where you go deeply into the wounded part of you that is housed in the lower left brain that has the false beliefs.

We can access the false beliefs when we’re willing to be present for our feelings, willing to have an intention to learn, willing to learn, to connect with your guidance, and willing to go down into dialoguing with your inner child about whatever pain he or she is in order to discover how you’re treating yourself that may be causing that pain, and then going deeper into the wounded self that has the false beliefs.

It’s often very surprising to people who have struggled to unearth their false beliefs, how easy it is to do that when their intention is truly to learn about loving themselves and they practice the six steps of Inner Bonding. Those false beliefs may be subconscious or unconscious, but as you learn to tune into your feelings such as your anxiety or depression or your anger, with an intention to learn, then you can go deeper into what you doing that’s causing those feelings.

When you’re open to learning, you want to know what you are doing that’s causing the feelings, and when you understand what you’re doing that’s causing the feelings, then you can go deeper into why are you doing it. And that’s where you uncover the false beliefs – why are you doing it. So you can certainly continue to do meditation, and I encourage that, but do it with an intention to learn, not an intention to bliss out and avoid your feelings.

You can certainly do sound therapy and yoga, but do it with an intention to learn, not to avoid your feelings. You can certainly do psychedelic drugs, but do it with an intention to learn, not to get an instant healing. In anything that you do you can do it with an intention to learn about what your feelings are telling you. This is what Inner Bonding teaches you.

This is one of the most important changes you can make in life. The change from getting rid of your feelings, from avoiding your feelings with various addictions to embracing your feelings. Your feelings are your inner child. Your inner child is giving you these feelings as an alert to let you know whether you’re loving yourself or whether you’re abandoning yourself, whether you’re loving your inner child or whether you’re abandoning your inner child.

If you tune into your feelings and you feel full and you feel peaceful and you feel some joy, then you know you are being a loving adult, you are taking loving care of your inner child, you are operating from love and truth rather than from fear and false beliefs. But if you tune in and you don’t feel peaceful, and you don’t feel full and you don’t feel any joy and you do feel these wounded feelings of anxiety and depression and guilt and shame and so on, then those feelings are letting you know that you are abandoning yourself.

You are retraumatizing yourself, and you can do all of these other forms of learning or growing, meditation, yoga, but if you don’t want to learn what your feelings are telling you, if you’re doing it to avoid your feelings rather than learn, you will not have true healing. True healing comes from a deep intention to learn about whether you’re loving yourself or abandoning yourself, whether you’re loving your inner child or abandoning your inner child, and Inner Bonding teaches you how to manage the existential pain of life.

We have a lot of pain of life today. There’s a lot of loss, there’s a lot of fear of what’s happening on our planet, and we need to learn to manage this rather than succumb to it. It’s vitally important right now on our planet to learn to be loving to yourself with both the existential pain of life and the pain that you might be causing with your self-abandoning behavior coming from your false beliefs.

I hope you can see how passionate I am about Inner Bonding. I do it every day, I have for over 40 years, it has been so life-changing for me. And this is the work that I do with people. This is the work that the Inner Bonding facilitators do with people is learning these six steps, learning to be loving to your inner child, learning to take loving care of yourself on many different levels, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, organizationally, and in relationships.

It is up to us to learn to take care of ourselves in all of these ways so that we can feel peaceful and joyful and full within and not keep retraumatizing yourself with your self-abandonment. It’s really important to recognize that all of these different modalities that claim to heal, if they don’t teach you how to love yourself on a deep level, if they don’t teach you how to heal your false beliefs, if they don’t teach you how to develop your loving adult, if they don’t teach you how to access your higher guidance, you are not going to experience true healing.

And as I said, there’s many ways of learning Inner Bonding. We have many courses, we have many books, we have our website that has so many articles and ways of learning Inner Bonding. You don’t have to have money to do it, the website offers you many different ways, including our free seven day course.

And I do a bimonthly masterclass – we’re going to be calling it the Master Circle – where I bring people through a 10 minute Inner Bonding process, and then I speak on a topic that one of the participants has asked me to speak on, then I do laser sessions with people who want to work with me, where you can really see the power of Inner Bonding and how rapidly you can do deep healing work.

Now, it does take a lifetime, but in any given Inner Bonding process, you can unearth a false belief, you can discover what would be loving, you can learn from your feelings rather than suppress them with various addictions or external forms of dealing with the pain.

I hope you join me at my bi-monthly Master Circle where you can receive my live help, and you can learn about it at innerbondinghub.com/membership. Remember, there’s many ways that you can learn Inner Bonding, and if you really want to heal on a deep level, this is a time tested process where you can do this.

I’m sending you my love and my blessings.