S2 EP297 – Healing the Inner Child: Connecting with Your Deepest Self

Hi everyone, and welcome to the Inner Bonding Podcast. I’m Dr. Margaret Paul and I’m so glad you’re here with me today.

If you’ve been following Inner Bonding for a while, you know that your inner child is your core soul self – your feelings, your creativity, your spontaneity, your joy, and also your pain. It’s that part of you that feels deeply, loves freely, and is the truth of who you are.

The good news is that it’s not this part of us that gets wounded. Our soul – our inner child, is an immortal spark of the Divine, and isn’t the part of us that get wounded as a child. But most of us have a wounded child and wounded adolescent, that we developed growing up as part of our survival. Maybe through neglect, criticism, rejection, or trauma. Maybe through growing up in a family that didn’t know how to nurture feelings. And so that precious inner child, our true soul self, the feeling part of us got buried – hidden behind walls of protection, perfectionism, or control. Healing the inner child involves reconnecting with the beautiful part of us.

It’s not actually our inner child that needs healing – it’s already perfect. It’s our wounded self – our wounded child and adolescent who holds our false beliefs, that needs healing.

In this episode, we’re going to gently open the doorway back to that part of you. We’ll explore:

• Who your inner child really is.
• How the inner child gets buried.
• What it means to reconnect with this part of yourself.
• And how to begin healing and reclaiming your joy, creativity, and aliveness through Inner Bonding.

Take a deep breath… and as we begin, allow yourself to settle into your body. This isn’t just a conversation – it’s an invitation to reconnect with your own heart and soul.

Let’s start by understanding who the inner child is from the perspective of Inner Bonding. Other modalities may define the inner child differently than we do, so it’s important to understand our definition. 

Your inner child is the essence of your soul within your body. Our soul is very big, and some of it is all around us, and some of it is within us. We are within our soul, and our soul is within us. 

Your inner child is the part of you that feels – that delights in beauty, loves to play, laughs freely, and cries when something hurts. It’s your intuition, your inner knowing. It’s a powerful source of guidance.

It’s not really a child, being the ancient immortal part of you, but we call it a child because we all know that we need to take responsibility for a child, but most people don’t know that they need to take responsibility for their feelings, and your inner child is your emotional self – the true self that experiences life fully and lets you know what’s loving and what’s self-abandoning through feelings.

But many of us have learned to disconnect from this part of ourselves.
Why? Because when we were little, our painful feelings were too big for us to handle, and often too big for the people around us to handle.

Maybe you were told, “Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
Or, “You’re too sensitive.”
Or, “Don’t be angry – that’s not nice.”
Or maybe you were simply ignored.

When our feelings aren’t met with love and compassion, we learn to shut them down. And in shutting them down, we disconnect from our inner child – our deepest and truest self.

So healing begins by re-establishing that relationship. By saying to that small one inside: “I’m here now. I see you. I want to know how you feel.”

Close your eyes for a moment, if you can. Take a breath and imagine yourself as a little child – maybe five, maybe seven, maybe ten.

What does that child look like?
What do you notice in their eyes?
Just observe – without trying to fix anything – simply seeing this precious part of you.

Now, let’s look at how this beautiful and amazing inner child became buried.

None of us were born disconnected from ourselves. Babies come into the world open, loving, spontaneous, and full of feeling. But as we grew up, we encountered pain.

We may have been criticized, controlled, ignored, or physically or sexually abused. We may have been told we had to be perfect, or invisible, or good, or tough. We may have learned that love had to be earned – that it wasn’t safe to be ourselves.

So we built walls.

We created what Inner Bonding calls the wounded self – the protector, the controller, the pleaser, the avoider. This part of us learned to survive by hiding or numbing the pain of the inner child.

The wounded self isn’t bad. It formed to protect you. But it doesn’t know how to love. It comes from fear and false beliefs and only knows how to control.

Take a deep breath.
Think of one message you received growing up – a message that made you hide your feelings or doubt your worth, or doubt your intuition – your inner knowing..
It might have been, “I’m too much.”
Or, “I’m not enough.” Or both.
Just notice it.
And as you notice, remind yourself – that message wasn’t the truth. It was what you learned from someone else’s pain and someone else’s projections onto you.

When we disconnect from our inner child, we lose connection to our deepest self.

We lose touch with our joy.
We lose our sense of vitality and creativity.
We stop feeling fully alive.

And this disconnection shows up everywhere – in relationships, in work, in our health.

We might feel anxious, empty, or alone. We might turn to addictions – food, work, approval, alcohol, social media – to fill the void. But the void is never filled, because what’s missing is us – our true self. We might come to believe that we are our wounded self, and that we don’t have a Divine soul.

The wounded self doesn’t know anything about our true soul self, and goes about trying to squash our inner child, believing that who we are at our core is bad, or not good enough. The wounded self believes that if you weren’t loved or were abused, it was your fault, and that if only you could do things right, you would be loved and not hurt. Our wounded self believes that to be accepted by others, we need to hide who we really are.

When we abandon our inner child, we create an inner aloneness that no one else can fix. Healing begins when we stop abandoning ourselves and begin to show up as a loving adult, with compassion, curiosity, and love.

Take another deep breath and ask yourself:
“Do I sometimes feel that emptiness inside? Do I look to others to fill it?”
If you do, know that this isn’t wrong – it’s simply a sign that your inner child is longing for you, and that your wounded self is in charge due to your intent to control getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe from rejection.

But there is nothing safe about abandoning our beautiful inner child and judging our soul self as wrong, bad, or unlovable. Or ignoring our feelings or numbing them with addictions, or making someone else responsible for our feelings.

So how do we begin to reconnect and heal ourselves?

This is where the Six Steps of Inner Bonding come in.

Step 1 is becoming aware of your feelings by getting present in your body.

Notice when you feel alone and empty, or sad, anxious, guilty, or angry. These feelings are signals from your inner child saying, “Please pay attention to me. You are allowing our wounded self to abandon me.”

Instead of ignoring or judging or numbing these feelings, decide you want to learn about what they are telling you. Then move into Step 2, consciously choosing the intention to learn. If you don’t consciously choose the intention to learn, you will automatically and unconsciously choose the intention to control and continue to abandon your inner child. 

Ask yourself: “Am I willing to learn about what I’m feeling, rather than trying to control or avoid?” This shifts you from your wounded self to your loving adult. Imagine your higher guidance – whatever that is for you, such as your own higher self, a guardian angel, your concept of God, a spiritual teacher, or whatever else works for you, and invite love and compassion into your heart. Your inner child won’t communicate with you unless you are a loving adult, open to learning and connected with a higher source of love. Your inner child needs to trust that you will listen to him or her and want to take responsibility for your feelings in order to open up to you. Consciously opening to learning and connecting with your higher guidance sets the stage for your inner child to feel safe enough to communicate with you.

Now, in Strep Three, ask your inner child how you are treating yourself or what you are telling yourself from your wounded self that is causing the painful feelings, and listen. Your inner child may tell you that you are harshly judging yourself, or putting pressure on yourself to be perfect, or not listening to him or her. Your inner child might be invisible to you.

Once you understand how your wounded self is treating your inner child, go deeper into the young or adolescent wounded self and explore the good reasons for this self-abandonment, which are your false beliefs. This is how you become aware of the false beliefs that are leading you to abandon your inner child.

Next, move to Step 4 – opening to your spiritual guidance. Ask your guidance, “What is the truth about me? What is the truth about what I can or can’t control? What is the truth about spiritual guidance? What is the truth about any false beliefs?” And then ask, “What’s loving to me, to my inner child, right now?”

Spirit’s voice is never shaming. It’s always kind, clear, and loving. But it’s a quiet voice, not like the loud voice of the wounded self, so you need to be very open and in a loving place to hear it, or to see the images it gives you, or be able to tune into the feelings it gives you.

Once you understand what would be loving to you, then move to Step 5 – taking the loving action.  

Maybe you need to set a boundary, rest, express a feeling, reach out for connection, or nurture yourself in some way. Without loving action, your inner child won’t feel loved by you and may stop communicating with you. The inner child communicates with you when he or she trusts you to listen and take loving action on your own behalf. 

Once you take a loving action, then move to Step 6, evaluating the results.  After your action, ask: “Do I feel more peaceful, open, and connected?”
If yes, you’re on the right track. If you feel some relief from the painful feelings, you know you’ve taken a loving action. If you don’t, then go back to Step Four and ask for another loving action.

Now, let’s do a short practice together.

Close your eyes.
Take a slow, deep breath.
Picture your inner child standing before you. Maybe they’re hiding in a corner, or maybe they’re curious but cautious.
Gently say to them:
“I’m here now. I want to know how you feel. I’ve been away, but I’m learning how to come back and listen to you and take loving care of you.”
Pause and feel what happens inside.
Now imagine opening to spirit – a loving, light-filled presence that surrounds you both.
Ask spirit to fill you with truth and compassion.
And now say to your inner child:
“You are precious. You matter. I will learn how to take care of you now.”
Take another deep breath, letting that love settle into your body.

Healing the false beliefs of your wounded self and reclaiming your inner child isn’t a one-time event – it’s an ongoing practice.

Your loving adult is the part of you that chooses to care for your feelings with compassion and loving actions. It’s the part that acts from love rather than from fear.

When you live as your loving adult, you no longer expect others to parent you or make you feel worthy. You give that love to yourself and then share it freely with others.

This changes everything – your relationships, your work, your health, and your sense of purpose.

When your inner child feels seen and safe, creativity flows again. Joy flows again. Life becomes lighter.

You don’t always need to be dealing with painful feelings to listen to your inner child. When you are in a peaceful place, you can tune into what is loving to your inner child in any given moment. You can ask your guidance throughout the day, “What is loving to me right now? What would bring me joy right now?”

Try this now. Take another deep breath.
Ask your inner child: “What would bring you joy today?”…
It might be something simple – music, movement, art, nature, play…
Whatever it is, make sure to honor that joy in some way today.

At the deepest level, reclaiming your inner child is not about becoming something new – it’s about remembering who you truly are.

Your deepest self – your soul – has always been whole, innocent, and full of light. The false beliefs and self-abandoning actions of the wounded self are the layers that have covered that truth. When you reconnect with your inner child, you are returning to your essence – the spark of Divine love within you.

And as you care for this inner child, you naturally connect more deeply with spirit. You begin to feel and know that you are never alone – that there is a constant, loving presence guiding and holding you.

This connection is the foundation of peace, freedom, and true joy.

Again, take a slow breath.
Imagine light flowing from spirit down into your heart, and from your heart to your inner child.
Feel that light joining you together – spirit, adult, and inner child – in one loving circle, like an infinity sign flowing vertically between spirit, loving adult, and inner child. That loving flow, connected with your spiritual guidance, is what takes away aloneness and emptiness and brings inner peace and fullness.

So let’s return to our theme: Healing the Inner Child – Connecting with Your Deepest Self.

Your inner child is not a concept. It’s a living presence within you – your feeling self, your creative self, your Divine spiritual self.

Healing happens every time you choose to turn toward that part of you with love instead of judgment and other forms of self-abandonment.

Every time you listen, and every time you comfort, and every time you take loving action, you reconnect with your deepest self – the self that is whole, lovable, and Divine.

Take a moment to breathe this truth in:
“I am lovable. I am worthy. I am enough.”

Healing the false beliefs of your wounded self and reconnecting with your inner child is how you come home – to yourself, to love, and to spirit.

Thank you for joining me today.

May you walk through your day with compassion for the beautiful child within you, openness to your feelings, and a deep knowing that you are never alone.

I encourage you to join me for my 30-Day home study Course that teaches Inner Bonding and will guide you in reclaiming your inner child: “Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships.”

When you learn to bring the Inner Bonding process into your life, you will be amazed at how differently you feel, and how much changes in your relationships.

As always, I’m sending you love and blessings on your healing journey.