S2 EP307 – Emotional Responsibility: Loving Thoughts vs. Wounded Thoughts

Hi everyone! I’m Dr. Margaret Paul and welcome to the Inner Bonding Podcast. Today I’m speaking about a very important topic – a topic that profoundly impacts your life. I’m talking about emotional responsibility related to your thoughts, which might have more impact on your life than anything else.

The reason your thoughts have a huge impact on your life is that thought is creative. Are you aware if you are creating what you want or what you don’t want? 

We all have two inner voices. One arises from love, truth, compassion, and connection with spirit – this is the loving adult voice. The other arises from fear, shame, protection, old programed false beliefs, and childhood wounds – this is the wounded self voice.

These two voices shape how we feel, how we behave, how we relate to others, and ultimately how we experience our lives. And the quality of our inner life – the peace we feel, the clarity we have, the decisions we make — depends on which voice is in charge and which voice we are listening to. Manifesting what you want in your life, or manifesting what you don’t want, is tied to which voice you are listening to.

Let’s look at the ego wounded self, because this is the voice many people are guided by. And this is the voice that most holds you back.

Sometimes this voice is loud and easy to recognize, but often it’s quiet and in the background. For example, let’s say you’re carrying a heavy plate of food to the dinner table. Of course you don’t want to drop it, but you might want to be aware that maybe your wounded self is quietly visualizing you dropping the plate of food. Or you are starting a new project that you are excited about but there is a background voice that says something like, “You can’t.” “You’re going to fail.” “Who do you think you are?” What would happen to your excitement if this is what your ego wounded child or adolescent is saying to you? You might find yourself feeling down and unmotivated and not knowing why, because this background voice isn’t always easy to be aware of.

How about when you need to clean your house, declutter, do the dishes, or help your partner or children with something? Is there negative thinking, such as “I wish I didn’t have to do these dishes,” or “When do I get some time to myself?”, rather than gratitude that you have a house to clean, dishes to wash, and a partner or children to help and support. How would your energy be different if were grateful from your loving adult, rather than complaining from the voice of your ego wounded self?

If you had parents who were often negative, as I did, you might have absorbed their negative thinking without realizing it. It took me years to be aware of this background voice that pulled me down and caused me to feel unhappy and sometimes depressed. The negative voice may be so automatic that it might be hard to be aware of it.

Various authors have stated that we can’t afford the luxury of a negative thought, but of course this is easier said than done.

Your thoughts are creative because your soul is a spark of the Divine. Not creative in the sense of imagination alone, but creative in the sense that your thoughts shape your entire inner and outer experience of life.

This means:

• Your thoughts create your feelings.
• Your thoughts influence your energy and your body.
• Your thoughts create the choices you make.
• Your thoughts create the relationships you attract or tolerate.
• And your thoughts create some of the peace or suffering you experience.

Because it’s wounded self thoughts that create fear, shame, and disconnection, thoughts such as:

• “I’m not good enough.”
• “I need to try harder so they’ll like me.”
• “I can’t handle this.”
• “Something is wrong with me.”
• “If they disapprove of me, I’ll fall apart.”
• “I must not upset anyone.”
• “I need to be perfect.”
• “I can’t trust my feelings.”
• “They’re judging me.”
• “I’m a failure.”
• “I need others’ approval to be okay.”
• “They won’t love me unless I perform well.”
• “Bad things are going to happen.”
• I’m going to end up homeless.”
• “I’m stupid.”

Do any of these feel familiar to you? Are you aware of the kind of negative thoughts you sometimes have?

These thoughts feel true only because they are old – they carry the emotional imprint of childhood pain. They reflect how you felt as a child, not who you are when you are a adult connected with your soul and with spirit.

The wounded self is always trying to manage fear by controlling people, outcomes, or your own feelings. Its thoughts feel urgent, pressured, heavy, or shaming. And most importantly, the wounded self never sees your worth. It can’t. It’s built from the places where you were not seen, held, or valued.

You might want to consider: “What wounded thoughts have been running my life lately?” Notice without judgment.

When you believe a thought coming from your wounded self, your body responds as if that thought is true.

Maybe your stomach or chest or throat tightens. You might feel like you are losing energy, and maybe your heart rate increases. You might feel fuzzy-brained.

And then your avoidant behaviors might follow. You might feel like you need to hide. You might get caught in a loop of rumination, going over and over the bad things that can happen. You might feel cold or shaky, filled with shame. You might then act out addictively – such as drink too much, eat junk, take a drug, or get crabby with someone.

One wounded thought can create an entire inner reality of fear and limitation. This is why the wounded self feels so powerful: it generates emotional states that confirm the false beliefs. It becomes a negative circle, starting with a wounded thought, which creates a wounded feeling, which leads to protective, avoidant behavior, which create more wounded thoughts. It becomes a closed loop of suffering.

On the other hand, loving adult thoughts create a sense of safety, peace, connection with self and spirit, and joy.

The loving adult is the part of you connected with your Divine soul and with spirit. It’s connected with your wisdom, your compassion, and your highest truth. This voice does not come from fear. It comes from openness, presence, and love.

While the wounded self feels young, frantic, and pressured, the loving adult feels steady, clear, grounded, and kind.

Now consider what happens when you hold a loving adult thought, such as:

• “I am inherently worthy.”
• “My value does not depend on anyone’s reaction. I am worthy, even if others don’t approve.”
• “I can take loving care of myself.”
• “I am never alone – spirit is always here.”
• “I can handle my feelings – they are not dangerous. My feelings have important information for me.”
• “I’m allowed to set boundaries.”
• “I don’t need to be perfect to be lovable.”
• “My feelings matter.”
• “I can choose what is loving for me right now.”
• “I am guided. I am not alone.”
• “I don’t need to control others to be safe.”
• “Love is my truth.”
• “I am the light,”
• “I am the creator of my life.”
• “I’m so thankful for what I have – for…and then say what you are grateful for. 

 What happens in your body? You likely relax, smile, and feel energized and clear. You feel safe, peaceful, and full of love to share. You become more present. And from this centered place of truth and gratitude, you make healthier choices. You speak more honestly, and you take loving actions guided by spirit.

One loving thought can create an entire inner environment of truth, peace, and strength. We create a positive circle. A loving thought creates a peaceful feeling, which leads to empowered actions, which lead to more loving thoughts. That is a creative loop of healing and manifestation.

Your thoughts create your emotional climate.

The loving adult voice never shames, judges, pressures, or panics. It supports, calms, observes, and guides. This is the voice of your higher soul.
 It’s the voice of truth.

Many people believe their feelings come from other people’s behavior, or from external circumstances, or from the past, the future, or from their partner, their childhood, or from their job.

But in reality, the majority of your feelings come from what you are telling yourself in the moment, coming from false beliefs for from truth.

When you say, “I always screw up,” you create shame. When you say, “They’re judging me,” you create anxiety. When you say, “I should be better,” you create pressure. When you say, “I can’t handle this,” you create helplessness.

When you say, “I am enough,” you create calm. When you say, “It’s okay to be me,” you create safety. When you say, “I’m being guided in my highest good,” you create peace. When you say, “I’m worthy of love,” you create confidence. When you are truly thankful for what you have, you create joy.

Your thoughts don’t just reflect your emotional state – they generate it.

I invite you to learn to connect with your spiritual guidance with my 30-Day video home-study course, Unlocking Your Inner Wisdom.

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Thank you for joining me today.
 I’m sending you my love and blessings on your healing journey.