S2 EP309 – The Magic of Gratitude From the Loving Adult

Hi everyone, and welcome to the Inner Bonding Podcast. Today I’m speaking about the magic of gratitude, but only a certain kind of gratitude. I love this quote by author Melody Beattie, “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.” So, of course, today’s episode is about the magic of gratitude!

Gratitude is something we all hear about – something we know we “should” practice, something often spoken of in inspirational quotes or holiday conversations.

People often talk about gratitude as though it’s one universal state. But gratitude can arise from two very different places inside you, and the quality of the gratitude, the energy of it, the impact of it, and even the truth of it changes depending on where it comes from.

In Inner Bonding, gratitude has a completely different meaning when it comes from your spiritually connected loving adult versus when it comes from your ego wounded self.

It’s important to understand that the wounded self – the part of you that operates from fear, control, shame, and is in survival mode – cannot access true gratitude, because gratitude requires presence, openness, connection with spirit, and receptivity. But the wounded self is operating from the opposite state – from fear, hypervigilance, judgment, and self-protection.

Many people think of gratitude as a polite gesture, something we’re supposed to do. We often hear:

“Be grateful for what you have.”
“You should appreciate more.”
“You shouldn’t complain – look at what you have.”
“You’re selfish for wanting more.”

But gratitude arising from what you should do – from your ego wounded self is not true gratitude – it’s pressured, forced, and performed, and comes from obligation. It may even be emotional manipulation. Gratitude may be used as a coping mechanism, a way to override, suppress, or avoid painful and difficult feelings such as sadness, loneliness, anger, or helplessness over others and outcomes.

The wounded self thinks in terms of scarcity, such as:

“There’s not enough.”
“I’m not enough.”
“They’re not enough.”
“Life isn’t giving me what I need.”

It focuses on what’s missing. It scans for danger or disapproval. It compares and criticizes and resents. You can’t see what’s beautiful when you are bracing for threat.

The wounded self might be saying things like:

• “I should be grateful.”
• “I have no right to feel upset; other people have it worse.”
• “I need to thank them or they’ll be hurt.”
• “If I don’t act grateful, they might reject me.”
• “I should be happy with what I have; stop wanting more.”
• “If I complain, I’ll look ungrateful.”

This “gratitude” may be used to please others to control how others see you, or how you see yourself, or how God sees you.

The emotional tone of the wounded self when expressing gratitude might be anxious or filled with shame or guilt.

It disconnects you from your true feelings rather than opening your heart. It may be used as a spiritual bypass, which means using something you believe is spiritual to avoid responsibility for your feelings.

It can actually make you feel worse, because it may pile guilt and shame on top of whatever you were already feeling. It is not healing or freeing or loving. It’s often simply another way the ego wounded self tries to avoid pain and stay in control.

When gratitude arises from the loving adult – from your heart and soul – it becomes a profound spiritual force – one that shifts your energy, your relationships, your body, and your entire inner state.

The loving adult experiences gratitude as an organic expression of connection – connection with the present moment, with love, with truth, and with spirit.

Gratitude from the loving adult arises naturally and organically, without pressure or expectation. It comes from a state of presence, and from truth rather than from obligation. It emerges when your heart is open, when you are connected with your essence, and when you are in a loving state toward yourself and others.

Gratitude from the loving adult feels like warmth expanding in your chest and a deep breath of relief. As you appreciate the small moments, it feels like a sense of being guided, supported, and not alone. There is a sense of softness toward yourself and others, and a trust and faith in life. It brings a smile to your face.

It’s not the same as positive thinking, which can come from the wounded self as a form of control, and it’s not pretending to be happy when you’re hurting. It’s not coming from denial but from true appreciation.

It is a natural opening that arises when your heart is present and available to the true blessings in your life.

I express gratitude for both big and small things – things that we often take for granted that not everyone has, like my sight and hearing and health, or my hands and legs and feet, and for things like my healthy food, my home, my friends and family, and for Inner Bonding. Whenever I express gratitude, I always smile, because gratitude brings me joy.

The emotional tone of loving adult gratitude is warm, relaxed, authentic, expansive, peaceful, and joyful. There is no pressure, no demand, no “should.” It is simply the heart responding to the truth, beauty, and blessings of the present moment. It brings you closer to spirit. Closer to yourself. Closer to love.

This gratitude is soothing and healing. It uplifts your inner child and strengthens your loving adult. It connects you to your soul within and your soul all around you.

Ask yourself: “When was the last time I felt genuine gratitude – not forced, not out of an expectation or obligation, but real?” Just notice if a memory shows up.

Gratitude is an opening, not a demand, a softening, not a dismissal, a connection, not a control attempt.

When your intent is to be loving to yourself rather than to control something or avoid something, the loving adult steps in and your heart begins to relax, your breath deepens, and true gratitude is possible.

Do you ever pressure yourself to be grateful? That’s the wounded self.

When gratitude comes from the wounded self, you’re actually suppressing your real feelings by disconnecting from your inner child. You are invalidating your emotional truth, bypassing the very pain that needs healing while remaining stuck in fear, shame, and self-judgement.

When gratitude comes from the loving adult your heart opens, your nervous system relaxes, and your inner child feels safe and seen. You are connected with your spiritual guidance, which bring peace rather than suffering, and your capacity for love expands.

Gratitude from the loving adult strengthens your inner resilience, supports emotional healing, and aligns you with the wisdom and love of spirit.

To know which part of you is expressing gratitude, you might want to ask yourself: “Is the gratitude I’m expressing feeling like a performance or a truth?”  Or “Does my inner child feel comforted or dismissed?”

True gratitude is impossible unless you are connected with yourself – your feeling soul self, which is your inner child. It’s not rote. It springs from being present in the moment with your blessings.

Do you know that gratitude from the loving adult opens the door to spirit? Gratitude is one of the most powerful spiritual frequencies available to us. When you feel genuine gratitude, you are in a state of openness – and openness is what allows spirit to flow into your heart, your mind, and your life.

Heart-felt gratitude is a spiritual portal – a doorway into connection. It invites in wisdom, creativity, peace, clarity, inner safety, and the ability to manifest due to the high frequency it creates.

And perhaps most importantly, heart-felt gratitude shifts you from your ego wounded self into your heart and soul, because the wounded self sees only what’s wrong, while the loving adult sees what’s true and what’s possible.

One of the surprising powers of gratitude is its ability to dissolve fear. Fear tightens the body and gratitude opens it. Fear narrows your vision and gratitude widens it. Fear isolates you and gratitude reconnects you. Fear says, “You’re alone.” “You’re in danger.” “You’re not enough.” Gratitude says, “You’re supported.” “You’re guided.” “You are enough.”

When you express heart-felt gratitude, your nervous system shifts out of survival mode. The loving adult is present and stress decreases, which is what makes your inner child feel safe.

One of the things I’ve previously spoken about is that your thoughts are creative. Because thinking and expressing heart-felt gratitude raises your frequency, you will find your life changing for the better as you remember to express gratitude throughout the day. You not only create inner peace, you improve your outer experience as well. I’m often astounded at the changes in my experience of life when I express heart-felt gratitude.

Gratitude is not magical thinking. It’s aligning your mind with truth rather than fear. Over time, gratitude literally rewires your brain toward openness, trust, inner peace, joy, manifestation, and knowing that you are the light of love.

The challenge for me in expressing gratitude from my loving adult is remembering to be present in this moment. The wounded self in all of us is addicted to focusing on the past and the future, but the loving adult is in the present moment, and it’s in this present moment that the fullness of loving gratitude springs. I love it when I remember to not just be a human doing – which is very easy for me but also being a human being – present with a full heart, aware of my blessings, and thanking my guidance, thanking God for every little thing. I feel so happy when I say, “Thank you God for this journey of life, for the opportunity to evolve my soul in my ability love,” and I’m thankful for all the big and little blessings in my life.

I invite you to learn to connect with your spiritual guidance with my 30-Day video home-study course, Unlocking Your Inner Wisdom.

I’m sending you my love and blessings on your healing journey.