S2 EP247 – Beyond Illusions: Healing Your False Beliefs

Hi everyone! I’m Dr. Margaret Paul, and welcome to the Inner Bonding podcast. Today, I want to talk about a journey that is both profound and deeply sacred—the journey of healing the false beliefs of our ego wounded self. Inner Bonding is a uniquely powerful process for this kind of healing, as it helps us uncover and release the subconscious beliefs that have controlled us, often without our awareness.

Let’s be honest: we all carry beliefs from childhood, absorbed from our parents, peers, teachers, religious figures, media, and painful life experiences. Many of these beliefs are lodged deep within our subconscious, shaping our choices, our relationships, and our sense of self-worth. A critical part of healing is to become aware of these false beliefs, the feelings and actions they trigger, and—importantly—what the actual truth is, so we can make loving choices rooted in that truth.

Maybe you’ve noticed certain false beliefs resurfacing again and again, even though you know, logically, they’re not true. One of my clients, Betty, once asked me:

(Quote)
“Many times, I’ve identified a false belief through my guidance, but I find that almost all the time, I slip back into the old belief—even though my guidance has provided me with the truth. Do you have any suggestions about really integrating the truth? Have you found anything that works for you?”
(Unquote)

Here’s what I told Betty: awareness is only part of the process. Identifying a false belief is Step 3 of Inner Bonding, but healing it takes us to Step 4, where we open to learning from our guidance about the truth. Healing a false belief requires much more than intellectually recognizing the truth; it requires action.

Let’s say your false belief is “I’m not good enough.” Your higher guidance tells you that you’re a beautiful, unique spark of the Divine, fully worthy. But if you keep ignoring or judging yourself, numbing your feelings with addictions, or expecting others to make you feel worthy, why would your inner child believe you? To truly heal, you have to show up for yourself every day, consistently acting from the truth that you are worthy of love and care.

Another client, Rob, raised a similar question at one of my events:

(Quote)
“I’ve identified a couple of debilitating beliefs that result in feelings of apathy and despair. Even though I know they’re false, they persist. My question is: will just observing them cause them to diminish over time, or do I need to do something more? Should I be dialoguing with my higher self about replacing the false beliefs with truth?”
(Unquote)

Just like with Betty, I told Rob that healing these beliefs isn’t simply an intellectual exercise; it’s about taking loving actions. When we feel apathy or despair, that’s a sign of self-abandonment. We need to explore the beliefs behind it and discover what loving actions can address those feelings. When we consistently treat our inner child as cherished, false beliefs gradually lose their grip.

The more he treats his inner child as a cherished being, the more the false beliefs get healed.

I know this from my personal experience and my experience with thousands of clients. When I now look at the lists of false beliefs I used to have, I’m so grateful that I don’t have them anymore. It took time and much Inner Bonding practice to heal them, but the neural pathways for these beliefs that were housed in my lower left brain have been replaced with new neural pathways in my higher brain – pathways based on the truth rather than the lies of the wounded self. It was not only knowing about the false beliefs, but taking loving actions based on the truth that created these strong new neural pathways.

As you practice Inner Bonding and learn to be in truth rather than operating from your false, limiting beliefs, your wounded ego gets healed as well. This is a process that happens over time with practice, but often people can get impatient. My clients and others who attend my events often ask questions such as:

“Does the wounded self ever get healed?”
“How does the wounded self get healed?”
“What happens to the wounded self as we heal?”

My ego wounded self, like everyone’s, came into being when I didn’t receive the love I needed, and I decided that it was my fault – that I wasn’t good enough. I hid away my true soul self and went about trying to figure out how to be to get love, avoid pain, and feel safe. I developed many of false beliefs about myself and others and learned to be very judgmental toward myself to have control over getting myself to do things “right”, so that others would like me and not get angry at me or reject me.

Then Dr. Erika and I created Inner Bonding with spirit’s help and everything changed.

As I developed my spiritual connection, I began to see my wonderful soul self through the eyes of my guidance. I saw that there was nothing at all wrong with me – that I am a perfect individual expression of the Divine – just as I saw that there was nothing at all wrong with anyone’s beautiful Divine self. I began to understand that there was a lot wrong with my ego wounded self, because it was based on the core shame false belief that I wasn’t good enough, and on the illusion of having control over how others feel about me. I saw that when I was telling myself that I wasn’t good enough, it was my wounded self judging itself, erroneously believing that it is who I am, as my wounded self knew nothing of my Divine soul.

Over the years of practicing Inner Bonding, I learned to no longer indulge my wounded self in the false beliefs that resulted in self-judgment. I learned to feel blessed by my authentic self and privileged to take loving care of my Divine soul.

The more I saw and loved my true, soul self, an interesting thing started to happen: My wounded ego self became quieter and quieter.

As I learned to fully see and love my Divine soul – my inner child – then the very basis of my wounded self healed. Since the basis of my wounded self was that I’m not good enough, my wounded self could no longer operate from that false belief.

The more I learned to love and accept my Divine soul, the more I understood that others’ behavior was not the result of me not being good enough. As I healed this old false belief, I naturally gave up the illusion of control. It just followed that if others’ behavior wasn’t my fault because it wasn’t true that I wasn’t good enough, then their unloving behavior was coming from their wounded selves with their core shame false belief and their illusion of control. I gradually accepted my complete lack of control over others’ choices to be loving or unloving, accepting or rejecting. What a relief!

Not only did I stop indulging my wounded self in judging me, but I reprogrammed this left-brain survival part of me that was filled with false beliefs, with positive statements that felt much more true and felt much better than the outright lies. Since control is my wounded self’s form of survival, my left amygdala – the peanut-shaped little organ at the base of my left brain that is the seat of the ego wounded self – actually loved learning to control with positive statements rather than negativity, complaints, and self-judgment.

So now, I rarely hear anything negative from my wounded self. Her energy is still there as energy does not die – which was a huge relief to her! – but now her energy is mostly an ally with my loving adult and my soul self. It’s a much better way to live!

Our false beliefs can have a limiting effect on many different areas of our lives. One area that is particularly vulnerable to the false beliefs of the wounded self is our relationships. 

Many of the single people I work with who want to be in a relationship have a number of false beliefs about relationships that may be causing them some pain. One common false belief is that people in relationships are not lonely.

However, in my work with individuals and couples, I’ve found that people who are in relationships – including people who are married – are just as likely to be lonely as single people. Just because you have a partner doesn’t guarantee that you will not be lonely. In fact, some people who are in relationships are even more lonely than many single people. It can feel lonelier to be around someone who is unavailable for connection than to be alone. Being with an angry, withdrawn or needy person can feel extremely lonely.

Certainly, partners in relationship who are available for connection, are less lonely than single people. It’s wonderful to be in a relationship with someone who is open and available to emotional connection, when you are also open and available to connect. But way too often, this is not the case.

Another common false belief that many single people who are seeking a relationship have is that being in a relationship will make them feel happy, safe, worthy, and secure.

Again, being in a relationship with someone who is loving and caring can lead to you feeling more safe and secure, as well as happier – as long as you are also taking responsibility for your own feelings of safety, worth, security, and happiness. But what if you are with a partner who is angry, distant, disconnected, or verbally or physically abusive? When this is the case, you will likely end up feeling less secure and more unhappy.

My suggestion is always to learn to create inner happiness by practicing Inner Bonding – developing your loving adult who is connected with a spiritual source of wisdom and comfort. This is what creates an inner sense of happiness, safety and security, and can lead to finding a loving and caring partner. 

If you are looking for a partner to make you feel worthy, you will likely end up with someone who is looking for the same thing. Relationships are healthy when each person already feels inherently valuable and are not coming from the old false belief that they are not okay – not worthy, not lovable, not good enough – not when they expect the other person to give them their sense of inner worth.

Believing that you can give another person their sense of worth is a huge false belief, just as believing that another can do this for you. If you are judging yourself as unworthy and unlovable, you will continue to feel that way, no matter how loving another is to you. You may find that you have a very hard time taking in another’s love if you are operating from the false belief that you don’t deserve it.

Do you falsely believe that being in a relationship will fill you and complete you?

If you are abandoning yourself by judging yourself, staying in your head rather than being present in your body for your feelings, turning to various addictions to numb your feelings, and making someone else responsible for your feelings, you will feel empty and incomplete inside. We feel full inside when we learn to love ourselves and share our love with others. It’s not the getting of love from another than fills and completes you, but rather learning to connect with your source of love – filling yourself with love to share with another or others. A very common false belief is that getting love is what gives you a sense of worth.

We feel worthy and full inside when we give to others from a loving heart, not when we give in order to get love. If you want to be in a relationship to get love rather than to share your love, you will likely end up either alone or in an unloving relationship.

What are some of the false beliefs that are limiting you? 

What are your beliefs about what creates happiness and a feeling of self-worth?

Do you believe that your sense of adequacy, lovability, and feelings of self-worth come from others liking you and approving you, and that your happiness comes from another loving you?

Do you believe that you can’t make yourself happy, or as happy as someone else can?

Do you believe that others’ disapproval or rejection mean you’re not good enough?

What are some of your false beliefs about responsibility for feelings?

Do you believe that you are responsible for others’ feelings, even if you do something that feels loving to you but someone else is upset about it?

Do you believe that it’s up to you to make the people you care about happy, and that if they are unhappy, it’s your fault?

Do you believe that you are selfish if you take responsibility for your own highest good, and that you’re not a caring person if you don’t take responsibility for others’ happiness?

Do you believe if someone is angry at you, it’s your fault?

Do you believe that it’s your responsibility to heal wounded people?

Or…

Do you believe that others are responsible for your feelings, and that if someone cares about you, he or she would never do anything that hurts or upsets you? Do you believe that if you are hurt or upset, it’s someone else’s fault – that you’re not responsibility for your feelings, and that other people make you feel happy, sad, angry, frustrated, shut down, anxious, or depressed?

Do you believe that you can’t be alone, you can’t take care of yourself, and someone else needs to take care of you?

What are some of your false beliefs about feeling your painful feelings?

Do you believe you can’t handle your pain, especially of disapproval, rejection, loneliness, grief, or heartbreak?

Do you believe if you open to your pain, you will fall apart, go crazy, or die, or that the pain will be unending?

Do you believe that if you let yourself cry, you’ll never stop?

Do you believe that showing pain is a sign of weakness – that people will think less of you if they see you cry?

Do you believe that no one wants to hear about your pain or that no one can handle your pain?

Do you believe that your problems are so trivial compared to many other people that you have no right to be in pain?

Do you believe there’s no point in opening to your pain – that it doesn’t make anything better, so why cry over spilt milk?

What are your false beliefs about who your inner child is – who you are in your soul self?

Do you believe you are a basically bad, wrong, defective, unlovable, inadequate, or unworthy person – that you are just not good enough?

Do you believe that you don’t count, you don’t matter, you are not important?

Do you believe that you are in the way, a bother, too much trouble?

If you believe these things, what do you think is wrong with you?

Do you believe you are too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny, too smart, not smart enough, stupid, not attractive enough, too attractive, too different, weird, too quiet, too loud, boring, to intense, too sensitive, to serious, not serious enough? 

What else? There are so many things your wounded self can say are wrong with you, and none of them have to do with who you are in your Divine soul.   

What are your beliefs about control – about what you can and can’t control?

Do you believe you can have control over how others feel about you and treat you by being perfect, or giving yourself up and people-pleasing, or with anger, blame, threats, neediness, sulking, complaining, over-talking, defending, lecturing, criticizing, and so on? 

What do you believe about resistance? Do you believe that resisting is a way to not be controlled and a way to maintain your integrity?

Do you believe you would lose yourself if you don’t resist? Do you believe that procrastination works for you to not be controlled?

Also, you might want to think about your false beliefs about a higher power that may be getting in the way of your spiritual connection.

So many false belief! Are these beliefs working for you to bring you inner peace and joy? Are they working to make you feel worthy, safe, and secure? Likely not. And they can be healed with Inner Bonding!

Those of you who have been on a healing journey for a while know that healing is a process, not a destination. I often say it’s like peeling an infinite onion – we keep finding more and more layers of the ego wounded self – more and more false beliefs, and deeper levels of the same false belief.

Don’t despair because this is how it’s supposed to be. This is how it is for all of us.

We have all built up layers and layers of false beliefs and strategies to control our world, as part of surviving childhood. We further “perfect” these strategies in our adult relationships until something happens that lets us know things aren’t working. At some point – perhaps when you have everything you thought would make you happy and you still feel empty, alone, anxious, or depressed – you realize that something needs to change. Or perhaps you have problems finding a relationship, or problems with kids, or marital problems, or you become ill, and you realize that your life isn’t going to be fulfilling if you keep doing what you are doing.

That’s when you might start on a healing journey.

When people first discover Inner Bonding, they are often relieved, hopeful, and excited – which is great.

But after a while, they may feel discouraged because it seems that the more work they do, the more there is to do. They started doing Inner Bonding believing this is the answer – and it is – but not in the way they thought. They thought that if they just do this for a while, their life will permanently improve. But this is like saying that if you exercise for a while and then stop, the results will be permanent. It doesn’t work this way.

Because life is continually changing and continually offering us challenges, the practice of Inner Bonding is a moment-by-moment process.

For example, you do your inner work to learn to love yourself as a single person and then you get married – and now you have a whole new set of challenges with a whole new set of false beliefs and control issues to heal. Each life change unearths new false beliefs and control issues – having kids, kids growing older, job issues, changing jobs, health issues, friendship issues, moving to a new location, and so on. The one thing we can count on is that life continually changes.

I no longer kid myself that I’ve healed all my false beliefs and control issues. I’ve accepted two important aspects of life:

One is that there are certain issues that come up over and over, and each time they come up, I do a little more healing. We each seem to have a few key issues which trigger our wounded self. In my current life, I’m far less triggered than I used to be, but there are still remnants of the false beliefs of my wounded self that pop up occasionally.

The other is that spirit seems to have a way of bringing new issues into our life. Just as everything is going smoothly, something new happens that propels us into a new level of inner work, and we discover yet another layer of the infinite onion – another level of false beliefs. I used to resent this but now I’m grateful for it, because this is how I can continue to learn, grow, become more loving, and heal the false beliefs of my wounded self.

By accepting the journey of peeling the infinite onion of the wounded self, resistance is gone.

Now I say, “Thank you God for this incredible journey of evolving my soul in my ability to love. Thank you for all the opportunities you bring my way to heal the blocks to fully loving. Thank you for the sacred privilege of being in a body on this difficult planet so that I can continue, day-by-day, to move more and more toward Oneness with you – Oneness with the love that you are. And thank you for showing me the beauty and goodness of my soul, and the beauty and goodness of everyone’s soul”

I hope you let go of any goals of ‘getting there’ and become fully enamored of the process of uncovering and healing your false beliefs and discovering how incredible you are as your true soul self. This is truly the road to emotional freedom, loving relationship, and the ability to manifest your dreams.

I invite you to join me for my bi-monthly masterclass and receive my live help, which you can learn about at https://innerbondinghub.com/membership. 

And, I invite you to join me for my 30-Day home study Course that teaches Inner Bonding: “Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships.”

And you can learn so much about loving yourself, creating loving relationships, and healing from my newest book, “Lonely No More: The Astonishing Power of Inner Bonding” and from our website at https://www.innerbonding.com.

I’m sending you my love and my blessings.